Lucy/Nyu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scarredhorns) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
jikan_network2021-08-10 12:48 am
scarredhorns) wrote in jikan_network2021-08-10 12:48 am
text (Lucy) | un: schadenfreude
[Lucy's noticed how the internet here doesn't allow one to post anonymously, so she decides to go with a username that she'll probably never use again. It's the closest thing she's got to anonymous.]
So, I went through the whole forum and it doesn't look like this has been asked before.
Who else was dead, or in the process of dying when they arrived here?
So, I went through the whole forum and it doesn't look like this has been asked before.
Who else was dead, or in the process of dying when they arrived here?
un: tapir
i was
1:2 | un: schadenfreude | CW: mentioned suicide
Me. I'm not sure how to feel. I was fully prepared to die, until I noticed the time loop in my world.
Wasn't suicide.
[Well, it was at first, until she saw Kouta get hurt.]
Just a sacrifice that had to be made.
2:2
It was just a word I remembered looking up in a dictionary once or twice.
That, and I couldn't think of a better name.
no subject
even if i go home and find out that i survived, i'm still dying
its complicated, but there isn't enough of the thing that keeps me alive anymore
whether it's when i return or some time from now, its inevitable
but i like to think of this place as an opportunity
maybe there's a way to change my fate
or give myself more time
i was okay with dying and i still am. i've lived a very long life
but now there's things that have to be done, and i can't die until i make sure those things happen
my death may end up being a sacrifice as well - a necessary one
but whatever has brought us here has done so for a reason
and i don't want to squander that
no subject
But right now, with this, no.
[Lucy already acknowledged that she reaped what she sowed.]
I've already accomplished what I stayed alive for.
However, if my world is stuck in a time loop, then I can't relax until it's fixed.
[She doesn't want Kouta to keep dying repeatedly, even if he remains unaware of it. The effects of the blue minobi haven't disappeared yet either, so she elaborates despite herself.]
I just don't know what to do with myself in the meantime.
I don't deserve this extra time granted to me.
It's not going to change what's waiting for me at home.
Not that I want it to.
[She'd gotten out of many scrapes during her short life of eighteen years, but that last one is the one that will finally get her. Has already gotten her.]
no subject
why don't you think you deserve this extra time, if i can ask?
is death really the only option left for you?
no subject
There are people back home who won't stop hunting me until I'm dead
and they don't care who they hurt along the way.
I would only put the ones I care about in danger.
I already have.
But I guess
that's what I get for the things I did.
Also, my bloodline is just too dangerous to continue existing in my world.
It has to end with me.
no subject
even if you think you deserve it, you don't
i don't have the power to help the way i would want to but there's others, maybe
no one deserves to die
maybe my cousin can do something for you
he's a protection deity
its not much but for now its something
and he knows more about that thing than i do
for now that i hope you accept this second chance and live the life you deserve to have
no one will hunt you here
no subject
What can he do?
Even though I'm a murderer who's killed hundreds, maybe even thousands?
[Even Lucy's not sure what the exact number of her victims is.]
Do you still think someone like me deserves a second chance?
[Lucy is so damn stubborn that she just has to throw every argument out there.]
I don't intend to continue killing here. I promised someone that I'd stop.
But that's not going to wash off the blood I already had on my hands.
no subject
if you've ever been to one and prayed for something, he's the one who answers those
i think everyone deserves a second chance
and someone has decided you deserve one by bringing you here
i dont need to know why you killed so many if you want to stop
nothing will wash off the blood
but no one is irredeemable if they try
no subject
but I've never prayed to one before.
Never was the religious type.
[If anything, growing up, she resented the gods for giving her horns.
There's a long pause before her next reply shows up as she re-reads the message several times, even scrolling back up to review their conversation as a whole. She mulls it over, wondering how to respond.]
Well, considering how I seem to be the only one from my own world who's noticed the time loop so far,
then maybe it was for a reason as you said before.
But bad luck seems to like following me around.
I fear a repeat of what happened in my world.
Just when everything seems like it's going well, it all goes to hell at once.
I'm tired yet I want to keep fighting. I'm so confused right now.
[Thank goodness for the anonymity of the internet, or else she wouldn't be able to get that off her chest.]
no subject
he's not a deity who cares about religion
he just cares about people
his username here is his name if you want to talk to him before i do
you said it yourself
you want to keep fighting
i know it isn't much to offer help but you have mine
whether it's to listen to more of this
or to help if this trouble follows you
i genuinely believe things can change
no subject
[She would have ended it there, but the damn blue minobi effect works its magic on her again.]
And I told my dearest friend that if I could be reborn, I'd be good next time.
Perhaps, now that I'm here, I don't have to wait until rebirth to start earning good karma.
no subject
i know that sounds strange but
please reach out for help if you want or need it
no subject
I'm used to taking care of myself. Then the few times I did ask for help, people would talk behind my back, so it made me reluctant to reach out.
[At least, that had been the case behind her caretakers at the orphanage.]
But now, I'm finding a bunch of people reaching out to me of their own accord, without me asking.
It'll take some getting used to.
[It's not entirely unwelcome, it's just a strange feeling for Lucy.]
no subject
i'm used to doing things myself too
it's incredibly difficult to change something ingrained into someone for so long
the people here are good
many of the genuine
at the very least, you won't find it difficult to learn
or make friends
no subject
At this point, I think I was just born into the wrong world.
[There's another pause in between Lucy's responses.]
Thanks by the way.
no subject
being on guard is natural
just because one is deciding whether or not to open up to other doesn't mean one should openly trust everything, either
thats something my boss taught me
you're welcome
my name is baku by the way
i am around a lot if you ever just want to hang out and do normal things
i'm pretty good at tours
no subject
I don't feel comfortable giving my name away in this post,
but should we meet in person, I'll tell you then.
And tours? Of what?
Like Nippon in general? You've been here that long?
[Someone else told her they've been in Nippon for over half a year, but still. How long did people tend to remain here?]
no subject
i'll look forward to it
of nippon, yes!
i don't sleep so i spend a lot of my free time looking around
and i'm from japan so some of it's familiar
no subject
Then again, you said your cousin is a shishi,
so I'm guessing you're not human either?
[The name baku doesn't really ring a bell for Lucy, at least, not from the top of her head.]
no subject
in japan i'm baku, the devourer of dreams
no subject
And then it hits her.]
Huh, never thought I'd actually talk to you directly.
Or text you, rather. Let alone that you knew how to text.
I remember from when I was a kid,
they'd tell us to call on Baku if we had nightmares.
But the Baku in my world either didn't care or didn't exist outside of folklore since I still had them.
[Lots of them.]
Not to say it's your fault.
My world was just a shitty place in general.
no subject
i do more than devour dreams in my world but that's still my main purpose
i'm sorry a baku never answered your call, though
it's sad to hear that one may not exist or isn't fulfilling its purpose
it doesn't sound like a very nice place
no subject
It wasn't.
Even now, I think it would have been better off destroyed.
[More of the blue minobi effect drawing the truth of her.]
But if it had been destroyed, then the one I loved would have had to die with it.
I didn't want that, so I sacrificed my life for his.
I know you said before that you refuse to believe death is the only way,
but I don't regret my decision.
I was finally able to use my life for something better than killing.
(no subject)
(no subject)