text (Lucy) | un: schadenfreude

[scarredhorns]

[Lucy's noticed how the internet here doesn't allow one to post anonymously, so she decides to go with a username that she'll probably never use again. It's the closest thing she's got to anonymous.]

So, I went through the whole forum and it doesn't look like this has been asked before.

Who else was dead, or in the process of dying when they arrived here?

Comments

un: tapir

[dreamvour]

[oh. Well. Guess she can't avoid talking about it now]

i was

1:2 | un: schadenfreude | CW: mentioned suicide

[scarredhorns]

How do you feel about being here now?

Me. I'm not sure how to feel. I was fully prepared to die, until I noticed the time loop in my world.

Wasn't suicide.

[Well, it was at first, until she saw Kouta get hurt.]

Just a sacrifice that had to be made.

2:2

[scarredhorns]

Also, despite my user name, I'm not looking to derive pleasure from other people's misfortunes.

It was just a word I remembered looking up in a dictionary once or twice.
That, and I couldn't think of a better name.

[dreamvour]

that's okay, i can already tell you aren't the type to find pleasure in that

even if i go home and find out that i survived, i'm still dying
its complicated, but there isn't enough of the thing that keeps me alive anymore
whether it's when i return or some time from now, its inevitable

but i like to think of this place as an opportunity
maybe there's a way to change my fate
or give myself more time
i was okay with dying and i still am. i've lived a very long life
but now there's things that have to be done, and i can't die until i make sure those things happen
my death may end up being a sacrifice as well - a necessary one

but whatever has brought us here has done so for a reason
and i don't want to squander that

text; un: manslayer

[hitokiri]

depends on if u think bein made of magic counts as alive

un: schadenfreude

[scarredhorns]

I would.
It may be different, but you're talking to me now, aren't you?
That said, how did you come into being?
Magic wasn't really a thing in my world outside of fantasy stories.

un: lanling.jin

[disasterstraight]

[ This isn't really a conversation that Jin Zixuan wants to attach his name to, but alas for him, he doesn't yet know how to make himself anonymous on this newfangled technology, nor does he know how to make a thread private.

Still, this is something he needs to get off of his chest. ]

I am not dead, nor dying. But from those I have spoken to who are from my world, death is coming for me, and soon.

un: schadenfreude | CW: mentioned suicide ideation

[scarredhorns]

Was it something you expected? Or did it come as a surprise?

For me, I had already made the decision to die. It just didn't happen the way I expected it to.

[She didn't think Kouta's life would be put in such danger.]

[disasterstraight]

It is most certainly unexpected. I lived through a war; if there was a time when I would have thought I would die, that would be it. But we have achieved peace now, relatively speaking. I have a wife, and a young child. Dying is the last thing I want to do.

text | un: wwx

[diabolique]

I was dead for thirteen years then came back to life before I ended up here. Does that count?

[scarredhorns]

How did you come back to life?

[She's not going to say, "How is that possible?" because clearly it is if he's here. Doors to another world shouldn't be possible either, but here they all are.]

[diabolique]

I was summoned.

text; un: contender

[problemagus]

I guess you could say I was. In the process of dying, that is.

( Technically, he's still several years away from his death. But at this point, he knows it's inevitable. )

[scarredhorns]

Are you relieved that it's been delayed by being here?

Me. I'm not sure how to feel.
I don't know if I should feel relieved or disappointed.

[On one hand, she does feel bad that Nyuu's life got cut short when she was the innocent one who ended up in the crossfire. But on the other, before Lucy became aware of the time loops in her world, she'd been fully prepared to meet her end.]

[problemagus]

I think you and I are in the same boat. For me, the pain has stalled. I haven't known what it's like to be fully functioning in some time. But ultimately, I have my children to think about.

( So no, he's not sure what to make of this, either. )

text | un:furfeathers

[reorienting]

It's not the same, but I've had a few near-death experiences. Though none of which occurred in the process of coming here.

I'm alright with sharing if you think it would be of any help.

[scarredhorns]

[Lucy weighs the decision in her head. With the blue minobi effect, she'd feel obligated to share her own death story. Then again, so long as she didn't mention any specific names, she should be able to retain some anonymity.]

Since you're offering...
What were they like?

cw: talk of severe injury/near-death; implied eye damage

[reorienting]

[With the same situation on his end, he has to choose his words carefully.]

The first time was when I was shot through the heart, and the exit wound shattered the adjacent ribs. It was dizzying. I didn't feel anything at first. I was a bit numb, and it was the first time anything like this had happened.

I reflexively killed the person attacking me as I remember pain setting in. I remember thoughts flying through my head as I tried to stop the bleeding and repair the damage. If they were anything like more recent incidents, I was probably thinking about what judges anyone as deserving to die or not.

I regenerate, or, in this case, I was able to close off the torn arteries and reconstruct my own heart and bones.


[This is... heavier than he thought.]


The second time, my ship crash-landed onto another planet after being gunned down by a foreign ship. I lost consciousness briefly, but woke up still locked into my seat. Shrapnel was everywhere, as the impact had shattered the entire front pane, and I couldn't see out of one eye. By this time, most of my body was already numb.

I had a few broken bones in my arms and I could see, well. My entire abdomen was a mess enough to make the average person feel sick; I knew if I bled out too much more, I'd die. I wondered if I'd have enough time before the point of no return.

But by then, I had gotten used to getting injured, to my own body hurting me, and other such things, so it wasn't that bad. All I could think about was each next step. And panicking-- well, there was no one to comfort me even if I needed it.

And each time after that, looking back?

I just would feel more and more distant from my own body. Like I was just trying to help mend someone else. Any feelings of desperation to not die just.. quieted. And I've simply gotten used to that.

I don't know if that's of any help, but it's just my experiences.

UN: geth

[agglomerate]

We apologize if this is a sensitive topic, but this presents us with a unique opportunity.

May we make an inquiry in regards to the specific topic of death and the process there of?

CW: descriptions of body horror

[scarredhorns]

[Unfortunately for Lucy, because the truth-telling effects from the blue minobi have yet to fade, she just goes right ahead and gives details of her death.]

My death was not a peaceful one.
It was awful. My body literally melted.
I could see some of my bones sticking out, and I felt as though half of my face was missing skin. Globs of my flesh were scattered all around me. The pain was unlike anything else I'd ever experienced before, like my body was just collapsing in on itself.

sorry for the delay!

[agglomerate]

[ Yikes, Lucy. That sounds decidedly... unpleasant. ]

We offer our condolences, albeit we understand that perhaps is not much in the face of that kind of pain.

Additionally: It is not our intention to appear calloused. We do not feel pain as organics do, so our perspective and understanding is limited.

text; un: gathering_all

[royaladvice]

Hey. Uh, I've been thinking about this myself.

I'm a bit worried that maybe I was dying when I came.

I try to remember but it's like... every time my thoughts get near that moment it all gets very confusing. Like there are many paths and some are ones I imagined and some are memories of reality.

[scarredhorns]

Did you get hit in the head or something. I'm asking seriously, not as a joke.
Because that happened to me, and my memories were jumbled up at first.

[And it's what caused her personality to split in the first place.]

text; un: joestar

[sunlightyellow]

I had passed before I came here, yes.

I am truly sorry if you have been through the same.

CW: mentioned suicide

[scarredhorns]

Sorry to hear that.

[The truth-telling effect from the blue minobi prevents Lucy from being her usual guarded, callous self. But--now that she knows the terror of dying personally, she can sympathize a little easier, especially while behind the cover of internet anonymity where no one could see her face in this text form.]

But yes, the timeloop I was trapped in was my own death.
That's not what worries me, though. I'd already made the decision to die, so it's not like my death was a surprise.
I'm worried about my friend. He had a bad wound and I was using the last of my power to heal him. He may not have noticed the timeloop like I did, but I don't want him to nearly die over and over again.