text (Lucy) | un: schadenfreude

[scarredhorns]

[Lucy's noticed how the internet here doesn't allow one to post anonymously, so she decides to go with a username that she'll probably never use again. It's the closest thing she's got to anonymous.]

So, I went through the whole forum and it doesn't look like this has been asked before.

Who else was dead, or in the process of dying when they arrived here?

Comments

[scarredhorns]

I wish it wasn't, but it is.
There are people back home who won't stop hunting me until I'm dead
and they don't care who they hurt along the way.
I would only put the ones I care about in danger.
I already have.
But I guess
that's what I get for the things I did.

Also, my bloodline is just too dangerous to continue existing in my world.
It has to end with me.

[dreamvour]

no. there's always another way
even if you think you deserve it, you don't
i don't have the power to help the way i would want to but there's others, maybe
no one deserves to die

maybe my cousin can do something for you
he's a protection deity
its not much but for now its something
and he knows more about that thing than i do

for now that i hope you accept this second chance and live the life you deserve to have
no one will hunt you here

[scarredhorns]

Your cousin?
What can he do?

Even though I'm a murderer who's killed hundreds, maybe even thousands?

[Even Lucy's not sure what the exact number of her victims is.]

Do you still think someone like me deserves a second chance?

[Lucy is so damn stubborn that she just has to throw every argument out there.]

I don't intend to continue killing here. I promised someone that I'd stop.
But that's not going to wash off the blood I already had on my hands.

[dreamvour]

my cousin is shishi, protector of shrines
if you've ever been to one and prayed for something, he's the one who answers those

i think everyone deserves a second chance
and someone has decided you deserve one by bringing you here
i dont need to know why you killed so many if you want to stop

nothing will wash off the blood
but no one is irredeemable if they try

[scarredhorns]

I've heard of them and seen pictures of the statues,
but I've never prayed to one before.
Never was the religious type.

[If anything, growing up, she resented the gods for giving her horns.

There's a long pause before her next reply shows up as she re-reads the message several times, even scrolling back up to review their conversation as a whole. She mulls it over, wondering how to respond.]

Well, considering how I seem to be the only one from my own world who's noticed the time loop so far,
then maybe it was for a reason as you said before.
But bad luck seems to like following me around.
I fear a repeat of what happened in my world.
Just when everything seems like it's going well, it all goes to hell at once.
I'm tired yet I want to keep fighting. I'm so confused right now.

[Thank goodness for the anonymity of the internet, or else she wouldn't be able to get that off her chest.]

[dreamvour]

that's okay
he's not a deity who cares about religion
he just cares about people
his username here is his name if you want to talk to him before i do

you said it yourself
you want to keep fighting
i know it isn't much to offer help but you have mine
whether it's to listen to more of this
or to help if this trouble follows you
i genuinely believe things can change

[scarredhorns]

Well... It's not like I've got a home in my world to return to anymore, so I don't see why not.

[She would have ended it there, but the damn blue minobi effect works its magic on her again.]

And I told my dearest friend that if I could be reborn, I'd be good next time.
Perhaps, now that I'm here, I don't have to wait until rebirth to start earning good karma.

[dreamvour]

it's very easy to earn good karma
i know that sounds strange but
please reach out for help if you want or need it

[scarredhorns]

It's not that easy. To ask for help, I mean.
I'm used to taking care of myself. Then the few times I did ask for help, people would talk behind my back, so it made me reluctant to reach out.

[At least, that had been the case behind her caretakers at the orphanage.]

But now, I'm finding a bunch of people reaching out to me of their own accord, without me asking.
It'll take some getting used to.

[It's not entirely unwelcome, it's just a strange feeling for Lucy.]

[dreamvour]

that much i can understand
i'm used to doing things myself too
it's incredibly difficult to change something ingrained into someone for so long

the people here are good
many of the genuine
at the very least, you won't find it difficult to learn
or make friends

[scarredhorns]

I don't think I'll ever be able to lower my guard completely, but I have noticed how much more tolerant the other refugees and natives are.
At this point, I think I was just born into the wrong world.

[There's another pause in between Lucy's responses.]

Thanks by the way.

[dreamvour]

that's not a bad thing
being on guard is natural
just because one is deciding whether or not to open up to other doesn't mean one should openly trust everything, either
thats something my boss taught me

you're welcome
my name is baku by the way
i am around a lot if you ever just want to hang out and do normal things
i'm pretty good at tours

[scarredhorns]

[When the person on the other end introduces themself as Baku, Lucy is concerned that the blue minobi effect will compel her to give her name away as well. However, the urge never comes. Lucy supposed it was because she was not directly asked for her name.]

I don't feel comfortable giving my name away in this post,
but should we meet in person, I'll tell you then.
And tours? Of what?
Like Nippon in general? You've been here that long?

[Someone else told her they've been in Nippon for over half a year, but still. How long did people tend to remain here?]

[dreamvour]

that's okay
i'll look forward to it
of nippon, yes!
i don't sleep so i spend a lot of my free time looking around
and i'm from japan so some of it's familiar

[scarredhorns]

You don't sleep?
Then again, you said your cousin is a shishi,
so I'm guessing you're not human either?

[The name baku doesn't really ring a bell for Lucy, at least, not from the top of her head.]

[dreamvour]

i'm not
in japan i'm baku, the devourer of dreams

[scarredhorns]

[Baku... Devourer of dreams... Why does she feel as though she's heard that from somewhere before?

And then it hits her.]

Huh, never thought I'd actually talk to you directly.
Or text you, rather. Let alone that you knew how to text.
I remember from when I was a kid,
they'd tell us to call on Baku if we had nightmares.
But the Baku in my world either didn't care or didn't exist outside of folklore since I still had them.

[Lots of them.]

Not to say it's your fault.
My world was just a shitty place in general.

[dreamvour]

i've gotten that a lot more or less
i do more than devour dreams in my world but that's still my main purpose
i'm sorry a baku never answered your call, though
it's sad to hear that one may not exist or isn't fulfilling its purpose

it doesn't sound like a very nice place

[scarredhorns]

[Now she's curious about what else Baku does in their world, but she'll save that for whenever they text, or speak, again.]

It wasn't.
Even now, I think it would have been better off destroyed.

[More of the blue minobi effect drawing the truth of her.]

But if it had been destroyed, then the one I loved would have had to die with it.
I didn't want that, so I sacrificed my life for his.
I know you said before that you refuse to believe death is the only way,
but I don't regret my decision.
I was finally able to use my life for something better than killing.

[dreamvour]

i would never tell someone to regret giving their life for someone else
even if there's other ways
so i understand in a way

[scarredhorns]

I'm relieved then, because I'm not sure if I could have explained why.
I just wanted to protect him, that's all.

Thanks for listening to me.
I'm not usually like this, but certain circumstances have led to me needing to get this off my chest.

[Namely the blue minobi.]