jikan_network | Video | un: nightwanderer

...poor lady. [The words are said on a sigh and Xingchen shakes his head sadly. Trauma can cause cracks in minds and hearts. Sometimes the damage is so bad that the person loses their way entirely.]

You mustn't blame yourself for your mother's death. [He sits up a little straighter.] She did what any good mother would do. And your reaction was natural. The Empress has earned your fury.

[Xingchen believes in justice and Runyu deserves justice. His mother deserves justice.]

Runyu... [He aches to move around the table, but he keeps himself still. He must hear the entire tale.] What did you do?

She humiliated me because she knew that there was nothing I could do to stop her. But eventually her crimes came to light and she was stripped of her title and imprisoned.

Jinmi and Xufeng came back and she could be my bride now. But he'd realized his feelings and was determined to fight for her. There was no consideration to ask for anything I'd been through. None at all. So I put a plan into action after someone murdered Jinmi's father and his wife.

[His eyes slowly open but he doesn't look to the man across from him.]

The culprit looked like my brother but I knew it wasn't him. But that did not stop me from sending dreams to Jinmi to have her believe such. And while that was happening I was gathering allies in the Heavens. So on the day of our wedding my brother came to arrest me but instead I turned it around on my own father and staged an uprising. All people loyal to my father and brother turned against them to fight in my favor. My father could do nothing for I'd given him a poison to weaken him.

My brother fought me but before either of us could truly do anything Jinmi killed him, fully believing that he was her father's murderer. My father used the very last of his life to send one piece of my brother away so that he could hopefully be resurrected.

I had the Immortals on my side and I was made Emperor. Jinmi's pill had shattered though and she could only think about Xufeng and what she'd done to him. I tried and tried to heal her broken heart but she continued to dwell on him instead.

And I had the Empress put under house arrest. She wanted to commit suicide when she learned of all that had happened. [He lets out a bitter laugh.] I wouldn't let her. I wanted to live and suffer knowing that all her hopes and dreams had died with the men she committed great evils for.

Save for Jinmi's heart, everything was in my favor...

[His hands curl in his lap and, yes, there is the pain he had expected. From so many years of sorrow and neglect, Runyu had become bitter. He suspects something similar may have happened to a certain criminal in his world. Xingchen wrestles with himself, realizing that, no, he can't be as strong and certain as his beloved Zichen. Maybe that makes him weak, but this is the only way he knows how to be.]

Nothing was in your favor. [Power, prestige, followers who could be turned against him if he faltered for a moment...] What you had was revenge. Revenge doesn't heal. Revenge isn't justice.

What became of Lady Jinmi?

She was lost. She continued to follow visions of him that led to her hurting herself just to try to find him again. I begged her to not do so but she couldn't stop. All the while I brought the Heavenly Realm to a new golden age. Yet my heart still longed for her heart which wasn't mine.

Then she found out that Xufeng had been reborn. She sacrificed so much in order to revive him even though I tried to stop it. In the end she succeeded but he didn't remember her and he became the King of the Demon Realm with plans to take another as his bride.

[Leaning forward, he releases his cup so he can put his face into his hand. Only for a moment then he lifts it as he continues.]

I can't tell you how happy I was when she agreed to marry me. She agreed to be my bride. It's the happiest I've been in my entire life and the plans began anew. Until she found out what I'd done to get to where I was. I still don't fully know how she found out everything but she did.

She gave back the dragon scale I'd given her and left me. Her heart was truly Xufeng's in the end. And Xufeng even regained his memories but was hurt by her betrayal. And then on the day of our wedding I had nothing and I knew she'd run. She was still trying to help him. To finish bringing him back to himself.

I...I lost it. I let my powers rip apart the throne room decorated for our wedding and led a hunt to find her. There were many I hurt along the way, the entire Flower Realm under threat of death unless they gave her to me. In the end she managed to get to Xufeng and...

[He draws in a shaky breath.]

I was so angry. I used forbidden spells to seal a demon into my body to gain his power. And then I led the entirety of the Heavenly Realm into battle against the Demon Realm. All to fight my brother. To destroy them all for hiding Jinmi from me.

[Gods above... Xingchen forgoes resisting his natural inclination and he rises, moving around the table to kneel at Runyu's side. He lays a hand lightly on his shoulder, reminding him silently that he isn't alone.]

Go on... [He isn't running. He isn't disgusted or angry. If anything, his heart aches for this man.] I take it you were not victorious?

It turned out that Xufeng and Jinmi had married. It was the last straw and the battle began. Hundreds died and my brother and I fought. We knew one of us had to win. There was no other choice.

In a final clash we used everything we had, even if it was forbidden, to destroy the other. Our blows never landed on each other though. Not when Jinmi had thrown herself between it.

[A tear falls down his cheek.]

She was the last death. Everything I'd ever wanted was lost. My brother, the woman I loved, the faith of my people... I'd destroyed everything because of my own selfish desires. Because just once I wanted to be remembered and loved and valued.

For ages Xufeng looked for her and I locked myself in my chambers. The creature inside me slowly trying to tear me apart to break free. It was everything I had to chain myself. Others found my brother and I begged for him to kill me. To end the monster and me. It was what I deserved.

[More tears fall as he laughs.]

But my brother has always been a better person than I am. Even then. He stabbed the monster and burned him away into oblivion and left me alive. He couldn't bring himself to kill me and even set me free. I begged otherwise but he wouldn't. In the end, we agreed that I would rebuild the Heavens but that I would do so in utter isolation to repent.

Then he left to find Jinmi. Five hundred years he searched and when he found her they ran away together and had children. Sometimes I go to see the oldest but only for a moment. I have no right to more and I never ask for it.

Otherwise I'm alone. As I deserve.

[He looks over at Xingchen then.]

I have no right to your kindness or protection. I have no rights to any of that. Even now I don't know why Yu Mingye would want me to be responsible for him at all. I deserve none of this. I'm a monster who destroyed everything to get what I wanted for nothing.

[The sheer weight of grief is enough to crush an army of men. Runyu truly has lost everything - and perhaps proved himself deserving of his eternal solitude. Yet Xingchen's eyes are filled with tears too and he dabs at Runyu's cheeks with his pale sleeve.]

There, your punishment awaits you. Here, you can make use of your time. It would be a shame for you to push away those who wish to befriend you.

[He smiles at the mention of Mingye and he lowers his hand back to his lap.]

He has a good sense about people. He took to you quickly and that surprised me. But the more I spoke with you, the more I liked you. And that hasn't changed.

[That needs to be made crystal clear.]

I like you, Lord Runyu. I'm sorry for your losses and for all you suffered. You made some poor decisions and many died for it - that I cannot deny. However you are remorseful; you understand the gravity of what was done. Justice has been served and now, I hope, you can begin anew in this world.

[What are these words? This gentle attention? He doesn't deserve any of this. He should have been killed or left to continue to suffer in his isolation. Why is it here people want to take care of him? To know him?

Why is that after Xingchen has learned all this he still thinks he deserves kindness.

He lets out a shaky breath.]

I don't understand how you can still want to befriend me after all you've learned. I don't...

[He should hate him. Why is this like his brother showing him mercy all over again? It rips through him as much as hearing Xufeng finally calling him "ge" again.]

Everyone has a path in life. If you were still filled with rage and eager to murder, I would do everything in my power to stop you. But the Runyu before me knows better.

[Knowledge is gained in so many ways. Runyu has taken the hardest path and it will leave him scarred for the rest of time. Why should Xingchen add to that pain?]

You were honest and that was no small task. What you told me stays between us, but I tell you now, even if you told Mingye, he would not abandon you either.

I've only wanted to find a way to help others here if I can. He's someone who feels like he's been hurt and I don't know why he attached so quickly to me but... But I want to protect his smile.

[Runyu lifts a hand to push away his tears. He'd thought he was done with these. Then again, he's never actually told his full story to anyone before. This is the first time he's had to really relive his pain and suffering.]

I would not have blamed you if you'd chosen to abandon me. It shocks me more that you refuse to.

He has been. He was missing his arm when he arrived. The wound was made by...lightning? [He is still fuzzy on what happened to poor Mingye.] His father was cruel to him. If you ever hear him refer to the Demon Lord or Lord Demon, that is his father.

[Xingchen rubs over Runyu's back, tutting softly.]

I left my Master's mountain to help others. Abandoning you would increase your pain and -

I don't wish to go.

[He nods as he listens and finds himself leaning into the touch. Though he won't ever admit that he's starving for it, he really is. Thousands of years with so very little affection and he can't stop gravitating toward any he might receive.]

...thank you. I don't know what else to say but that.

[And even that doesn't feel like enough.]

[Xingchen has discovered how much he likes to touch and be touched. It's difficult not to notice when various spells are at play - and then the effects seem to...linger.

Seeing Runyu so upset has just drawn him nearer and since he can't undo the sad events of his past, he can at least help him relax. His hand is light and gentle, pressing a little here and there when he finds tense muscles.]

For what? I have gained a friend.

[Tension is apparently just part of his entire body. Even after the two massages he's had here that remains. Likely because he's never really released the pain he clings to.]

I can only hope to even be worthy of that for you.

Shouldn't I be the one to decide that? [He leans closer and rests their bodies together, one arm wrapped around Runyu.] You should come with me and see the little ones. I hold the babies that aren't thriving at the hospital a few days a week.

[The weight of another person against him is the most comforting thing he's ever experienced. Without realizing it, he finds himself leaning against him as his eyes close.]

You hold them?

I sit in a chair that rocks and hold them, yes. [He thoroughly enjoys the time he spends with the little babies.] I talk to them, tell them stories and let them feel my heartbeat. It helps them.

[He nods slowly to show he understands. Just holding a child can help them? He draws in a breath then...]

I'll go with you. Whenever you go.

Contact helps them know they're not alone. [He rests his cheek on Runyu's shoulder.] When they are born early I was told they miss the warmth and safety of their mother's womb. Volunteers are welcome since the healers are often busy with patients.

If it will help then that's enough. [He'll go with Xingchen every time he goes. If he can help them, if he can give them a chance... Maybe it can start to make up for his crimes.]

I find it very peaceful. [He smiles at the answer, tilting his head to see Runyu's face.] And they are sweet. The hardest part is leaving them behind.

[There's no hiding for him right now that this is the face of a broken man. Even with his eyes closed he's completely unguarded for a change, letting himself be comforted. After all it's not something he's ever really been given before and he craves it.]

I'm sure they're beautiful. Little ones usually are.

[Xingchen is happy to stay close, gently stroking Runyu's back, brushing his hair to the side so he has a clear view of that handsome - though sorrowful - face.]

They are brimming with life. I use my golden core to strengthen them. There are those who already show promise. I feel their cores reacting to mine.

[He's not even realized that bits of his hair has fallen into his face. So he looks over at him when he feels the touch of gentle fingers.]

I could offer some of my energy too. I have more than enough to give them.

[He tucks those strands back and gives Runyu a happy smile.]

They would be grateful - as would their mothers and fathers.

[Considering their way of healing, he feels he should warn Runyu about the hospital setting.]

If the children are...attached...to strange devices, that's okay. Those devices help sustain life.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject