jikan_network | Video | un: nightwanderer

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Video | un: nightwanderer

[He's been thinking about this for a few weeks now, dwelling on it as he continues to settle in here. It's enough that he feels he could ask about it. See how many have a similar connection...]

Good evening. I had a question I thought I'd like to present to you all. A curiosity really.

How many of you are familiar with those known as Immortals? It is alright if you only know of them through stories or myths. Largely I'm just wondering how much is known of them. What you know of them.

Whatever you wish to share, I will listen to. Thank you.

[ooc: Spoilers for like...almost the whole of Ashes of Love in the thread with Xingchen btw!]

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[...That's...something his brother would have done for him once. He looks at the way the tea steams so pleasantly, unable to take his eyes from it.]

Yet, these days I always wonder if it's safer for me to not desire at all.

[Not surprising given everything he's done. He lightly strokes the cup.]

Perhaps I'm a better witness than participant so I won't hurt anyone ever again.

You have brought others a sense of belonging. If you ignore that, you continue to hurt those around you. Open yourself to those who care for you. It will be frightening, at first, but then you will find healing.

[His expression firms and he shakes his head.]

No, you must participate.

[He releases a soft laugh and looks over at him.]

You really care so much about me even after all that I told you. I matter that much to you.

I see...

Hope. I don't like to let go of hope. [It's the one thing that will sustain a soul for a lifetime.] Do your scars pain you? I am good at making salves.

If they do I don't notice anymore. I've had them for thousands of years. Physical pain isn't something I really ever realize I have anymore.

[Which is why his body is always so knotted and tense. It's so much a part of his body now that it just doesn't matter.]

I've felt real agony when I was tortured almost to death and when I fought to keep the monster sealed in my body. They could ache or my shoulders could be tight or my back could be sore... I'd never know.

Then you should be shown the difference. [Shifting behind Runyu, Xingchen's skilled hands seek out his pressure points, starting with his neck and shoulders. He rubs his fingers into those places, frowning as he concentrates.]

Life should not be spent in agony.

[It's surprising how quickly Xingchen moves into place behind him. But before long he can feel skilled finger at his pressure points, rubbing and working old and crusty energy out. Energy that has been trapped and locked in.

He can't help but close his eyes, his head falling forward.]

One gets used to the agony when that is their entire life, I'm afraid. Do you need my hair moved for this?

[Even Runyu knows there's no point in trying to stop him.]

[He can be swift when there is a need! Runyu has been open with him and that makes him dearer still, so Xingchen is eager to help. The old energy is siphoned out and replaced with the heat generated from his golden core.]

I would like to help you live a new life.

[He pauses to gather Runyu's abundant hair, using one of his hair ties to lift it out of the way.]

Relax. I can see to everything.

Relax. I seem to hear that a lot here.

[Taking his cup of tea, he finally has a sip before settling in to just hold it as he lets the warmth fill him. To be honest, it's one of the fastest ways to relax him really. He hates the cold so much that warmth is something he's eager for at all times.]

My energy has always been Yin oriented. To feel so much warmth... Thank you. I cannot produce this myself.

I hear it too. It has been...an adjustment.

[One that he is thankful to experience. Xingchen is the Bright Moon and the Gentle Breeze. Warmth comes to him naturally - never fire hot, but comfortable. He works his power into the pressure points, along Runyu's meridians, his hands sliding further down the man's back.]

I am happy to share what comes naturally to me. I'm not like the sun, but I can help you feel like Spring has come.

Spring has been lost to me, I'm afraid. But this is truly close enough.

[Breathing deeply as he feels his points cleansing, he finds his head falling forward. Not to sleep, he's not tired. Rather, because he feels safe and comfortable. Not having to be someone else or try to hide his crimes to keep from chasing others away.

It's...liberating.]

Your soulmate is lucky to have you. I've never had anything like this before.

[And he knows that Xingchen must be giving even more to this soulmate of his. Runyu doubts there will ever be anyone like that for him in any realm but he's glad to know that this man has found such a person.]

Not forever. I will pray for you to find your Spring again.

[His head is bowed as he works on Runyu's lower back and so he is able to hide his bright blush and the way the words touch him.]

I feel it is the other way around. [He leans against Runyu for a moment, saddened that anyone must live without love.] I cannot give you the same bond I share with him, but that does not mean my heart is shut to you.

[He sways gently from the lean but still stays balanced for him. But his eyes open as he speaks.]

Your friendship is already more than I deserve. I'd never dream to ask for more. From anyone.

[He pulls back a little, apologetic, moving to settle at Runyu's side again.]

Keep your heart open regardless. You don't know what tomorrow might bring.

[Before Xingchen can fully pull back, Runyu reaches back to catch him. It's an action that surprises him but he knows why he did it. Slowly he looks back at him.]

I'm sorry. I just... I loved so hard once that I confess I'm scared to do so again. The thought of hurting another as I did Mi'er...

[His eyes widen and he moves back to Runyu, ready to comfort, ready to reassure. He covers the hand that grabs him with his own.]

I lost my Zichen for a time too. We had a terrible argument and we parted ways. I didn't see him again for years. I was convinced he hated me.

I've never felt more lonely than I did then. I didn't care where I traveled.

She has the one she wants and I'm happy for them. Even if my desires cost her and my brother everything to get there.

But that darkness in me... The greed, the envy, the wrath... All of that is still there. I fear hurting someone new with my dark side simply by loving them.

Sometimes I'm frightened just for the friends I've made.

Do you think Mingye or I would stay quiet and allow you to tear yourself apart?

[His expression is stern and he squeezes Runyu's hand.]

I would be honest with you and we would seek a solution together. You wouldn't face your demons alone.

[Someone to help him face his demons. He laughs softly, sadly.]

Both are you are people I know I could fall for so easily were I not so fearful of myself.

Then let us care for you until that fear subsides.

[He has a similar relationship with Mingye, honestly.]

I don't expect anything in return.

[He gazes down at the hand holding his own.]

I don't wish to burden you with the weights I carry. I know how heavy the load is.

I feel no burden. [His hand is steady.] We all have memories we would rather forget.

[Runyu shakes his head at that.]

No. I never want to forget what I did and have been through. I've done that once and I never want to again.

It is best if we don't forget. All the same, the memories hurt and my natural inclination is to soothe the pain.

[He smiles sadly and reaches for his tea, sipping on it.]

There is some pain that it's best not to soothe. Otherwise lessons are never learned.

[He gently holds Xingchen's hand.]

But thank you.

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