jikan_network | video; un: ilqaras

[Honestly, he isn't sure what Dohalim will choose, but he has a feeling. He isn't disappointed, really, when he chooses to change the subject. Expected it. And he doesn't show any irritation - doesn't feel it - but laughs instead as his head tips back against the couch cushion.

He cups Dohalim's cheek again and kisses him briefly, fondly, pressing a soft smile into it.]

I liked hearing you curse.

[And he did. That was the moment he knew Dohalim had really let go of everything. He could grow very, very fond of this man. A dangerous thought, that - he didn't often grow fond of mortals. They died too easily.]

I liked hearing you scream, too. You should do that again for me some time.

[oh noooooo, now that he is one hundred percent lucid enough to remember the things he's said (or lack there of), and the sounds he's made (being coerced into making those sounds, Red Wine), Dohalim can't help but just. duck his head, pressing his face into his hand]

Do not count on it.

[ah, he truly did lose that much control, now that he's thinking about it. while it was fun to let go so completely and let Red Wine have total control over his body and mind, to be rendered to such a state that he'd want nothing else but to please the other man...

he just can't get over how indecent he sounded]

I like to think that I carry myself with some sort of decorum, even in the bedroom.

Having just had experience with you in the bedroom, I can honestly say...

[He had sounded so indecent. It had been delightful. Gorgeous. Red Wine isn't only teasing when he says he'd like to hear it again, and the little ways in which Dohalim is still coming back to himself aren't going by unnoticed.

Another kiss goes to Dohalim's forehead, at the peak of his hairline, as Red Wine murmurs the end of his sentence in a soft and good-humoured tone.]

You don't. And it was lovely.

[Is he really that embarrassed? Cute.]

[excuse he is not cute!!!! how dare Red Wine perceives him like that]

If I may recall, you were the one who coerced those sounds out of me.

[embarrassed as he may be about letting himself go in such a way, it's not like he didn't enjoy it. and if Red Wine seemed to like it as well, then really, what argument can he make at this point. however, something Red Wine mentioned does have him thinking]

...Would you really do all of that for me again?

You liked it. [He murmurs in gentle retort, though he isn't going to argue about it. Red Wine feels... good, right now. Comfortable. Settled here with Dohalim sitting across his lap, warm and firm against his chest, it's... good.

But then the question, and he glances Dohalim's way again with a faint smile on his lips.]

Of course I would. I said I enjoyed it.

[He is very cute. His protests are especially cute.]

I'd do it again. Or more, if you asked me to.

[he's not cute!!!!! s c r e a m s

it's a strange thing to be happy about, honestly, but he is, all the same. while his hand is still pressed against his face, Dohalim smiles softly]

...Charmer.

[he can't help but laugh; it seems like it'll be a nickname that he may be calling Red Wine more often. but... speaking of which...]

...Did you call me Do?

[he could have sworn that he heard it when he was coming down... the only person he'd let call him that was Kazuha, but that was because he couldn't pronounce his full name. but for this man to let it slip... it's a nickname he hasn't heard in so long]

[He's been called far worse things by people he's liked far less.

Red Wine settles a little more comfortably on the couch and under Dohalim's weight, and moves a hand off him to idly tuck his hair behind his pointed ears. At one of them he pauses to lightly adjust the several gold earrings pierced through the cartilage.

Then the question, and he thinks for a moment as he lets his hand drop back down again. He hugs the man in closer in a soft, absent-minded gesture.]

I think so. At least once. Would you rather I didn't?

[Some people could be picky about nicknames... or sensitive. Dohalim hadn't seemed to mind but he'd hardly been in one piece at the time...]

[it's a small gesture, being pulled closer, but a warm, welcomed one all the same. if Dohalim weren't already putty in Red Wine's arms, he is now as he settles into his lap.

now that's the question, would Dohalim rather Red Wine not use that nickname? the one that carried the most burdens of all, the one that was at centre of a lot of the issues he's currently facing]

I... Just haven't heard it in several years.

[the only person in Autelina Palace who had dared to even shorten his name was the librarian, but that might have been because she was very obviously enamoured with him. and even then, she'd just shorten his name to 'Doha' (and usually followed by 'sweety'...).

but 'Do'... now that's another barrel of fish entirely]

I've let one person here use it, just to make the pronunciation of my name easier for him, but aside from that...

[note that he doesn't outright deny Red Wine the opportunity to use it]

[Red Wine, perhaps unexpectedly, huffs out a quiet laugh.]

God of Beginnings, you never can just say what you really want, can you?

[It sounds like a chastisement but there's no venom in it, no sharp barbs as the words leave him in a tone of clear and soft amusement. He does note that the use of the nickname isn't out right denied for him, even if Dohalim seems to find some level of discomfort in its use.

Even after their activities over the past hour or so, he has no assumptions about how close Dohalim might now consider them to be. Sometimes sex was just sex.]

I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

Ah-- I suppose I cannot...

[wow Dohalim didn't ask for this violence?????? but now he's self-conscious about being selfish so thanks Red Wine?????]

It is not that I am uncomfortable...

[though really, what does he want? is he willing to let this man use an old nickname, so unassuming on it's own, but seeming to hold the weight of both Dahna and Rena?]

It is just... [sigh] The last time I heard it was before I ascended the lordship.

["and before I killed my friend" hangs silently in the air. and yet, he still doesn't say no]

[Ah.]

Tch...

[He wraps his arm around the man's shoulders and tips him backwards, leaning with him and dropping him onto his back on the couch. Both still wrapped up in the blanket he stays quite close and pulls his legs up off the floor, curling them underneath Dohalim's.

And like that, hovering over him with one hand braced very gently against his chest, he plants a quick kiss on his mouth.]

You are incredibly frustrating. [But cute. He sounds fond when he says it.] It's a yes or no question, sweetheart.

[he makes a small sound at being moved, not expecting it at all. his still red eyes look into Red Wine's, as if trying to search for something in them]

My apologies.

[while he does hear the fondness in Red Wine's voice, Dohalim still can't help but feel bad not being able to give him a proper answer. a tentative hand slides up to gently rest on top of the one pressed against his chest. it really is a yes or no question, but it's still one that Dohalim just can't seem to answer. he's frustrated at himself for not being able to make such a simple choice. he prided himself in being able to make other snap decisions when he was still a lord, but now, when it came to this... he's as lost as ever.

it doesn't come as a surprise when Dohalim starts overthinking about it, dredging up memories he'd forgotten for a moment, thanks to Red Wine; he squeezes the other man's hand, as if to drive those thoughts away again. but maybe it was because of all of the emotions he'd gone through in such a short period of time, from depression, to euphoria, and all of those emotions in between that, in a moment of lowered guards, he can't help the next few words tumble out of his mouth]

The last time I heard it was before I killed Tarnigen--

[his free hand comes up to press against his lips, as if trying to capture those words and swallow them back down. but it was too late; they were out in the open]

[It's comfortable like this. Warmer, somehow, tucked under the blanket and half tangled up with the other man. This really isn't how he thought this would end even when they had made it into the bedroom but he isn't complaining. He hasn't had the opportunity to be this close to someone in a long time... and he forgets how much he enjoys gentle physical contact when he doesn't have it.

He still isn't getting a straight answer, but when Dohalim blurts out his response he understands why. Though he hadn't been ignorant of just what the reason might be given what he already knew, it looked like playing dumb had worked in this instance.

Dohalim touches his mouth and Red Wine curls a hand around his wrist, though he doesn't pull his fingers away this time. Instead he rubs his thumb across the back of the man's hand and tips his head slightly.]

Tarnigen. I see... That was your friend's name.

[The one he had talked about earlier. Red Wine hasn't forgotten.]

[a lump forms in his throat as Tarnigen's name rings in his ears; it was one thing to say it out loud, but for someone else to say it to him rings some sort of bell, feeling the vibrations thrum through him, fraying his nerves. the last time he heard his friend's name, the voice that had said it was so filled with pain and hatred; it was a tone that was so burned into his memory.

the hand on his face unfurls, slim fingers splayed across Dohalim's features as he closes his eyes. he's aware that his breathing has become heavier; his other hand holds onto Red Wine's tightly as he tries to keep himself calm]

It... It was.

[the tremble in his voice is subtle, but it's there. it seems like everything else is starting to finally catch up to him.

when he does open his eyes again, the deep red of his irises are marred with dark blue as nervousness settles into him; he glances back up at Red Wine through his lashes. it should have been an easy yes or no question. all he had to do was say one damn word, but instead, he got caught up in his own thoughts. of course he would make an easy answer more complicated than it should be]

Apologies. Again.

[If Dohalim hadn't been the one to bring it up - the name, that is - Red Wine would have changed the subject then and there. But perhaps he does want to talk about something after all, and it's just going to take some gentle teasing to get it out of him.

He returns the grip on his hand, reassuring, and combs his fingers softly through the man's hair again. It's not the best place to be getting emotional in, he supposes, but there were definitely worse scenarios under which it could happen. When Dohalim opens his eyes he sees that blue, barely visible against the deep red that reflects the colour of his own irises, and he gives a little shake of his head at the apology.]

You don't need to be sorry about having emotions, Do. [It's not meant as a barb, using that nickname. It comes out as softly as the movement of his fingers through the bright strands of hair, and the gentle grip he has on Dohalim's hand.]

It's all right. [Red Wine lifts up the hand gripping onto his, kisses it.]

Do you want to tell me about him?

[well, his dignity's been lost a long time ago, so really, if Dohalim did get emotional right now, would it be the most embarrassing thing that's happened in the last few hours? who knows. but, at least he's warm, and under someone he's starting to become fond of.

hearing that nickname again gets him to close his eyes again; he really wants to tell Red Wine that it's fine, keep using the name, but he still can't help but feel the insane guilt in his heart about it (Kazuha was different; that was circumstantial). he used to be so good at holding his emotions in, not letting anyone see them, only letting them seep out in short bursts behind closed doors of the palace. did this come with the territory of letting people close to him again? had they breached the wall without him noticing, infiltrating the most vulnerable parts of his psyche? or was this something he wanted, without not actually knowing he wanted it?]

He was... My dearest friend. From my childhood. Dare I say... I even loved him like a brother.

I... I am not like most Renans. We, as a race, value status above all else, status based on our capability to use artes, such as magic and strike artes. But... I was never one for the social hierarchy. I formed opinions of people based on their merits, not what family they came from. Or, with my former friends, their musical skills.

[It's peculiarly nostalgic for Red Wine to be in this position with someone. It's been a long, long time... not since his brief entanglement with the Holy See and a certain stern-mannered priest. The evenings and early mornings they had spent simply lying side by side like this while Red Wine gazed adoringly at him...

Ah, but it had been so long ago.

He watches Dohalim's face while they talk. The way his eyes wander. The movement of his lips. He's concentrating on the words of course, but there's no denying the work of art they are coming from.]

Was? [He wonders if the past tense is deliberate. Renans sound... terribly shallow to him. How can one ever have a sense of belonging and companionship when the people you keep close are only there because of your status?]

It sounds like you prefer real friends to sycophants. He was a... lower social class, then?

Not much lower, we technically were of the same class, but because my family is well versed in our arte skills, we were still of a higher status than his. Nobility, compared to him.

[Dohalim offers a bitter smile; like his hands, trembling slightly]

But we still were close. Growing up together, then meeting Fahria and Avakir... He confided and told me he was going to marry Fahria.

[sliding his hand up to his eyes, Dohalim presses it over them. he could feel a hot prickling behind his lids, but... no. he couldn't not here, and certainly not in front of Red Wine]

I think, in the back of my mind, I knew we were destined to fight for the lordship. He had wanted it so terribly. To rise Fahria to the highest of social standings, to be the Lady to his lordship. Unfortunately, he never did stand a chance against me. But... I robbed him of the opportunity, and robbed him of his life.

[Dohalim takes a few deep breaths to calm the emotions in him down; he's silent for a few minutes. not once does he lift his hand, in case his eyes betray what little control he has over himself]

He truly was desperate, and did everything he could to win over me.

[there's a hint in his voice, as if to say that the man that he'd held so dearly had tried unsavoury means to win such a contest. but he doesn't say it out loud, as if not wanting to come to terms with the fact]

[He doesn't say it, but there is a great deal he doesn't say here and a great deal that Red Wine understands in spite of it. Mostly unmarred by that kind of loss, Red Wine has led a blessed life in that regard when compared to many more of his kind... but that doesn't mean he can't understand.

Telling Dohalim that his friend had the choice to not fight him, that he knew what he was getting into, that he had the choice to not go up against someone who would easily best him even if he used underhanded means, would not help in this moment. Dohalim likely knows this already and it would do nothing to assuage his guilt.

So he doesn't say this. He says nothing at first. Instead, he softly kisses Dohalim's trembling hand, gently grasps his wrist to coax it away from his face.]

It's all right. [He murmurs, rubbing his thumb across the back of Dohalim's hand. That is, the emotion is all right. He does want to assure him of that, somehow.]

You can stop if you want to.

['no, don't,' is all Dohalim wants to say as Red Wine guides his hand away, to tell him to let him hide just for this moment. but he isn't in his familiar overtly decorated palace, with hidden and unassuming rooms where he could tuck himself into for a moment to gather himself. he couldn't hide. instead, he's here, still pinned under this other man who, by his own request, unravelled him physically, and by proxy, emotionally.

a part of him almost regrets it. almost.

but, perhaps it's the fact that he doesn't have to carry himself with that austerity that was expected of him. perhaps it's his need to be who he was all those years ago, more attuned with those emotions, and the ties that bound him to his friends. to want to be able to feel something stronger than what he'd muted during his reign as lord.

but is it truly alright? to let himself go like this?

when Dohalim finally opens his eyes again, they're more the deep blue than the deep red from earlier, shining not with the brightness the kizuna brought, but with moisture, the same that's gathering at the outer corners of his eyes]

I... I miss being called Do.

[He's gorgeous no matter what colour his eyes are.

Red Wine holds his hand with a gentle grasp. Dohalim has ample experience of his physical strength already but he doesn't try to restrain him in any way now. It wouldn't be appropriate, he thinks.

But he lets go of his hand to cup his cheek and skim the pad of his thumb against the moisture beading at the corner of one eye. Then he softly kisses beside the other, tasting the brief tang of salt.]

If you'd grant me the honour, then, I'll use it freely.

[He smiles again, something distantly wistful about it for a moment.]

I have a special talent. I can sense a person's character by the smell of their blood. If someone has evil in their heart, I know it. And you... [Here, he shakes his head.]

You don't have a wicked heart, Do.

[if this were any other time, Dohalim would make some sort of offhand comment about how that was a strange skill, but right now... not so much. instead, he picks up on the last comment-- how could he say such a thing? him, the person who'd promised peace throughout an entire realm just so he wouldn't be reminded of the past... who'd used the Dahnans not as slaves like the other lords, but slaves to ease his emotional turmoil... how could he not have a wicked heart?

but to hear it, with his nickname, that gets a single tear to finally slip from his eye-- partially of the emotions finally overflowing, but also relief. he didn't know he needed to hear it until he does, putting... at least a little bit of turmoil to rest.

not knowing what else to do, Dohalim brings a hand up to nudge Red Wine's head up just enough so he can gently press a kiss to his lips, idly tasting that salt on them]

[It is an odd skill and one not entirely unique to Red Wine, and the origins of it are more complex in their explanation than he would delve into without prompting.

He notices that Dohalim doesn't fight what he says, and he catches that single shed tear with his thumb as it breaks free and rolls down over dark skin. Some comment could be made here about actually showing emotions and the benefits of such a thing, but as he mulls over the wisdom of drawing attention to it Dohalim makes another decision that derails his train of thought.

The kiss is a soft one, not unlike the one that had started all of this. Red Wine leans into it, cups around the back of his head instead of his cheek, lets his eyes fall shut.

And he keeps it sweet this time. Gentle. He lets Dohalim deepen it if he wishes and takes the cues from him.

When he does pull back he plants a light peck against Dohalim's lips again and settles back down beside him, their legs still tangled together under the warm blanket.]

Again? [He's teasing. There's a smile on his lips.] You are insatiable, aren't you.

Dohalim doesn't move to deepen the kiss this time, wanting to keep it sweet and light. more as an appreciation for all Red Wine had done, and is still doing. he didn't have to do all of this; he didn't have to come over to look after him (as loathe as Dohalim is to admit it, it's exactly what Red Wine did), or indulge him in such ways, leaving him completely ravished. nor did he have to stay long enough to have this talk. Red Wine could have left as soon as it seemed like Dohalim was alright.

but... the fact that Red Wine did stay, and listen to him when he sorted through everything that had weighed him down... only to come to the realisation that, aside from his companions back home, he had never told anyone any of this (and even then, they didn't even know the full extent of the darkness that clawed at him)...

as Red Wine rolls over onto his side, Dohalim follows, almost curling up into him, seeking that warmth. an arm drapes over the other man's waist, pulling him close. then he says that; he breathes out a soft laugh as he looks up at him]

Perhaps... An overflow of emotions. Possibly. I'm not quite sure.

[all he does know is he wants more of that intimacy, but this... this is enough, for now]

[Red Wine hums out thoughtfully and wraps his arm around Dohalim's back, drawing him in and tucking the man's head gently beneath his chin. He closes his eyes for a moment then opens them half-lidded, sighs, and lets the last of any tension wash out of his body.

It's certainly been an eventful couple of hours.]

I'm very accustomed to keeping things to myself. [He says then, just in case it happens to occur to Dohalim that he had certainly shared and done enough to ruin himself had Red Wine not been the kind of person one could place their trust in.]

Do you want me to stay here for a while?

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