video; un: ilqaras

[ilqaras]

[there's a bit of fumbling about with the camera, fingers come into view before everything is righted, and Dohalim comes into view. he's... looking a little rough, dark circles under his eyes as he props an arm up to rest his forehead in between his thumb and forefinger. there's a slight ting of red that manages to peek through his bronzed skin, as he takes a small bite of a sliced piece of fruit; someone went foraging for wine fruit, it seems.

the silence goes on for a moment more; one would think this could be a mukbang, before Dohalim finally sighs out softly, and speaks]

First of all... I would like to apologise to those I've encountered in the last several weeks. My actions were out of line.

[his speech is slurred; he looks off to the side]

Second of all... Would anyone know how to get blood out of white linens?

[another soft sigh, before Dohalim reaches towards the camera, and the screen goes black. he was meant to draft this, but... oops he posted it instead. help a guy out, he really doesn't want to have to burn his regalia]

Comments

rip me for forgetting do didn't know

[negeotiation]

[He pauses at Dohalim's surprise, looking surprised himself. Had he not mentioned...? Then surely Childe must have--

No, of course Childe wouldn't have. And if he himself hadn't, then...] My apologies... I thought you were aware of my nature.

[He fingers his teacup lightly, brushing his thumb against the smooth sides. It was as if Dohalim was so focused on refusing forgiveness that he had yet to ask himself why it was given.]

Memory is a powerful thing. At it's kindest, it is a comfort and reminder of better days. But at it's harshest it can feel as if you are drowning, dragged into a current you have no escape from.

[There's a weight there in his words, of someone who had lived them for far too long.] Forgive me for assuming.... but from what I saw, I gauged that your reaction at the time was not entirely rooted in the present. There was no ill will on your part.

rip for do sleeping with a 6000 year old god tbh

[ilqaras]

[so bold of Zhongli to assume that Dohalim and Childe had any sort of normal conversation before all hell broke loose, tbh.

looking down at his hands, Dohalim fidgets with his fingers for a moment or two, before folding them back together. the unfortunate truth is that Zhongli is right; memory truly is a powerful thing. he had memories of his past, good ones he'd desperately clung to in times where he needed that comfort, but what followed them were the dark ones that quickly took over, reminding him of his transgressions, and those he'd hurt, and the hatred he'd gained.

it's all he can remember, and it still throws him for a loop when people like Kisara, and now Zhongli tell him words of forgiveness. at least, with Rinwell, he can live with the hatred over being a Renan lord. it's what he's used to]

I was... Reminded of something I've worked hard to compartmentalise and forget. Recent events back home paired with what happened with Childe forced me to remember-- No, not just remember it, but hear it.

[he isn't sure why he's being as honest with the man as he is right now, but maybe it's because he feels he owes some sort of explanation to him]

[negeotiation]

As I thought... [Dohalim owes him no explanation, truly. This conversation is not for his sake, but for...]

Memory is a strange thing. The more painful the scar it leaves, the harder it is to forget... and conversely, the more pain you suffer when something reminds you of it. An event, a scent, a sound... [The smell of glaze lilies, nostalgic and bittersweet, the glint of dust in sunlight. In his darkest moments, he still swore the scent of blood lingered.] Such moments can pull you back, make the pain feel as fresh as it was in the moment it happened.

[He lets out a sigh before looking up, offering Dohalim a quiet look: something wistful but sad.] I've found that the more one tries to ignore such memories, the more painful they become. Memories are much like stone, in such a way. Broken edges can be sharp enough to carve the deepest wounds... but time and touch can smooth them like river waters.

[ilqaras]

Then what do you suggest I do?

[Dohalim doens't mean for his words to come out harshly, but perhaps it's because of the fact that he's sobered up for the most part and isn't in any better a mood than when he started eating the wine fruit, or the fact that because he's sobered up, he's now feeling fatigued. either way, as soon as the words leaves his mouth, he gives Zhongli an apologetic glance, before picking up his tea again]

...Forgive me. I have no right to demand an answer from you when it's not your responsibility to provide one.

[Zhongli had already done more than enough to come by with tea, which Dohalim is grateful for. it simply wouldn't be fair to expect any more than that]

I must take it upon myself to... Deal with this on my own.