jikan_network | {Video; UN: gambler}

Entry tags:

{Video; UN: gambler}

{He looks like a shell of a man, pale and perfect, but...empty. Nearly empty. This is what happens when someone is used and used for years on end without a shred of gratitude or genuine affection thrown into the mix. And now...}

The thread that joins us has snapped. {Xie closes his eyes, privately mourning, before he focuses on the network, sharp and alert.} I am interested if anyone recognizes me?

{Or is this truly a new beginning? The Glazed Armor hangs heavy around his neck and he wants to laugh...and cry.}

What good are names anymore? I could call myself anything...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ So there is hope for Xie.

Zishu's gaze falls away, thoughtful at the words. ] Everyone I cared about, I could do nothing to save. I couldn't even save my home - it was burned so I couldn't have it to go back to.

[ The armory. The damned armory. He looks away with an expressive roll of his eyes. ]

The armory can't help me here.

{To have a home, to have everything Xie has ever wanted and to lose it so violently... Yes, he can understand the bitterness and anger in Zishu.}

But you are close to Wen Kexing.

{So maybe not all is lost?}

Mm no, not here, but if you can be stabilized, it is an option.

[ Kexing. He laughs again...but it sounds painful. Maybe even a little broken and bitter. ]

Yes. I found my soulmate on my path to death. So lucky.

[ A definite cough then, and he has to pause, eyes closing as he focuses on breathing normally.

Damn.

Zishu forces himself to his feet when it subsides, eyes slowly blinking open. ]

I designed the nails of seven torments carefully. I am as stable as can be expected, Xie-er. Some days are better than others, but only on the surface.

There is hope. {Xie moves swiftly to support Zishu, rubbing a hand over his back. Those coughs seem to originate more from the heart than the lungs. That...isn't good.}

Careful... {He rises too and frowns, nudging himself under one of Zishu's arms and wrapping his arms around Zishu's waist.}

You shouldn't push yourself. It isn't necessary. What room is yours?

[ The touch is...nice. He doesn't shove them off, as he once had Kexing's attempts to help.

Zishu sighs but allows himself to lean, settling his arm across Xie's shoulders. A rueful little smile forms at the scold. ]

A couple levels down. I can make it.

You will make it with my help. {He corrects him, lifting them both into the air. Xie is emotional - prone to jealousy and feelings of defeat - but in situations like this, he can be logical too, taking control when it is needed.

He takes them down to the nearest door. The plates and cups can be gathered later.}

[ Control that is attractive, really. Zishu doesn't really protest or struggle - either would be foolish to attempt. Still, he offers a token little huff. When they reach the mentioned level, he leads the way inside, deciding to offer some trust. Enough to let Xie know where he and Kexing live, as he heads for that apartment and lets them in. ]

{The huff is ignored. Zishu needs - and deserves - help, so Xie is providing. Even when they land, he keeps an arm around the other man's waist. However he hesitates at the apartment, unsure if he should follow Zishu in. He does have some idea about privacy - unless he has been given orders to intrude, of course.}

You don't live alone. {He notices the signs and nods to himself.} Wen Kexing is with you.

[ Zishu hesitates as well, but then rolls his eyes just a little and keeps hold of Xie, silently inviting the man in. If Kexing gets upset about it...he'll deal with that then. But Xie is actively trying to help, which is points in his favor. ]

Kexing arrived just after I did. It's only been a few days since then.

[ He doesn't move for the bedroom though, choosing instead to head for the comfortable couch. ]

{The stubborn hold has him stumbling over the threshold. When nothing awful befalls him, he begins to look around curiously. What sort of home do these men like? What can that tell him about them?}

You are always together. {He watches Zishu sit and decides to do likewise, choosing a chair instead of the couch.} He protects you a great deal.

[ Stumbling yes, but Zishu doesn't let him fall. And no, no trap is sprung. The apartment is kept tidy and clean, well-aired and lit, though there are little hints of the occupants. He sinks into the couch with a little sigh and swiftly settles cross-legged, then focuses as he makes quick, sharp motions, ending with back straightening and hands slowly pushing down to rest, hovering a little over bent knees.

Better. His eyes remain closed as he listens. ]

Often. Not always. We protect each other - that is how we've been since we met.

{There is another difference. When he is caught and steadied, he stares at Zishu, baffled. Zhao Jing had never. Of course the man had depended on him to catch him when he was drunk or upset, but he never returned the favor.

Xie sits on the chair loosely, quiet as his host...relieves pain? It's difficult not to worry, though he pushes away that emotion roughly.}

Have you ever asked yourself why?

Edited 2021-05-23 12:19 (UTC)

[ Letting someone who's helping fall is not something Zishu wishes to do.

Fifteen minutes to fully settle the nails back to where he can pretend they're not there. Xie hasn't attacked him - has even gone out of his way to help. So he decides to offer this bit of trust.

The question brings a flash of a grin to his lips though. ]

Why do we help each other? Or why have I allowed myself to be at peace for the last years of my life?

{Attacking someone who is actually treating him like a human being seems counter-productive. Xie isn't a mindless monster - nor does he particularly like all of the things he has been asked to do. Forging a new life doesn't sound so bad, though he doesn't know what to do with the sickening ache of loss - and what could have been - in his heart.}

The first. I would want to be at peace too.

[ Zishu might attempt to help, if he's told of this pain. But is there much help to be had? He's struggled with it himself. Only Kexing has really helped.

He sighs a little, then turns his mind to thinking of the answer. ]

It's difficult to put into words. It's more...instinct. No matter the fights or arguments, I find I only want to help him. Support him. And he only wants to keep me safe.

{This is a pain he must overcome. Until he can do so, all he can do is endure. Friendship will help and Zhou Zishu is an excellent role model for him.}

What if...you wanted to support him and keep him safe, but he didn't feel the same way about you?

[ Just continue to be sweet, Xie~ ]

I was more reluctant than he was. From the beginning he kept following me, finding ways to 'bump into me'. I would have been content to deny myself his company if he hadn't.

{He caresses the scorpion embroidered on the front of his robe absently.}

He gave me most of what I wanted except for the thing I cherished above all. It sounds like Wen Kexing has devoted himself to you. I'm glad that's possible.

[ His eyes slowly open and he lets out another breath as he relaxes from the strict healing pose. One leg drapes down while the other gets tugged closer to his chest, one arm stays draped over it. ]

I'm sorry.

[ As for Kexing...Zishu nods. ]

That is what one's life goal should be. To find their soulmate, and walk at their side no matter what. Even if that time ends up being a day, or a year.

{Xie doesn't know what to do with genuine empathy and it makes him shift nervously. Biting his lip, he considers that goal and...yes. He wants that. He has always wanted that. Or...to be loved and accepted by someone.}

Does everyone have one?

[ Perhaps it's easier with Zishu not looking directly at him? Not that Zishu is oblivious to every move Scorpion makes. ]

I don't know. I only know that sometimes it takes a lifetime to find them.

{Even if he isn't looked at, this is a lot for Xie to digest. He has been raised in a bad environment and being treated like a human is...new. And amazing.}

I don't want to make the same mistake.

[ He knows how it feels to be stared at. But a glance, here and there, checking to see the impact of words - that's easier. ]

Mm. [ He understands that too. ]

I can't make you let go of your fear. But if you are serious about changing, and learning what it means to be happy... [ A glance, this time steady on Scorpion's face for effect. ] As I think you are.

I can try and help steer you from those who might make you repeat that mistake.

{He knows if he doesn't let go of Zhao Jing, he might as well bury himself with the man. If there is hope for something better, he wants to experience it. But the idea is frightening. He has lived in a cage since he was a child.}

You would...do that for me?

[ Change is usually frightening. ]

I would do it for almost anyone wanting to change. Those who show promise in their efforts in changing.

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}

{Action}