jikan_network | Video | un: nightwanderer

I honestly haven't told anyone here. [He doesn't know what they'll do when they know the truth.] Perhaps even you couldn't pardon me...

[He shakes his head then sighs.] I'll tell you. But only in person. Please.

Are you prepared? I am honored to listen any time.

[It can't be easy to reveal difficult truths. What he learns might hurt, but he is determined for it to not sway his opinion. Runyu has been nothing but sweet to him and to Mingye.]

No. I'm not. But I will tell you regardless since you are ready to listen.

[He shares his address with him.]

I will have tea ready for when you arrive.

I will be there soon.

[Keeping Runyu waiting would be impossibly rude. Xingchen changes into his white robes and makes the journey to the address, rapping on the door politely.]

[Going to the door, he greets him and lets him inside. He's once again wearing robes that are so pale silver they could practically be white. A slight shimmer can be seen on them but he pays that no mind as he leads him in to the table where tea is waiting for them.]

Thank you for coming.

[Pouring him some, he offers the cup before pouring his own.]

[Since white is a sign of mourning, the color suits the occasion. However not all robes are created equal! That elegant shimmer on Runyu's robes is noticed and Xingchen follows it with his eyes.]

Thank you for having me.

[He kneels down at the table and accepts the cup of tea, inhaling the fragrant brew.]

You are very brave, my lord.

Brave? No. I'm a selfish and cowardly monster.

[He doesn't do more than hold his cup, his eyes lost in another world as he stares at nothing in particular.]

This will be...a long tale. I ask for your patience.

[He shakes his head softly, not buying it. But he stays silent, sipping on the tea before he sets it down.]

You have it. Take as much time as you need.

[Nodding, he takes a moment then begins.]

My father was the Emperor of the Heavenly Realm. A man of great power but a man with a taste for women as well. My mother was one of his conquests and though he loved her briefly there was no loyalty to it.

My mother as well as her entire clan was in danger due to the jealousy of the Empress and her clan brutalized for my father's actions. And from that union I was born. A dragon just like my father.

She knew that if anyone was aware that I was a dragon that the wrath of the Empress would fall again. So when my dragon traits formed, for I was too young to be able to hide them yet, she would cut them off to hide me. In time, I did this to myself in the hopes I would no longer see her cry.

[He shifts his robes to the side and there's a horrifying patchwork of scarring on his chest.]

I still carry patches of scars to this day for I was too young then to have the energy to heal so much trauma to my body.

Fearing that my mother didn't love me, I ran away to cry. It was here the Empress found me.

[He pales and winces upon seeing the scars, lurching forward as if he means to tend to them. But he stops himself, settling again, his features darkened into a frown.

How could anyone be angry at a child? That he doesn't understand. The coupling that led to Runyu might not have been ideal, but do not blame the baby.]

What did she do to you? [There is fear in his heart and he looks ready to defend his friend - as if he can see the little dragon sitting before him.]

She asked if I wanted to run away. Then she gave me a medicine that erased my memories before destroying my mother's world. After that she took me to the Heavenly Realm where I had no idea what I'd lived through and was raised as my father's heir. But the Empress wasn't satisfied with this.

My brother was born and she wanted him to be the heir. She never let me forget that I was not her son. Xufeng was treasured. I was isolated. But I loved him and grew up understanding that this was simply the way things were. She was my mother but I was not her son.

With time he became the Fire Immortal and the God of War. My responsibilities left my largely alone as I tended to the night as the Night Immortal. He was free to do as he wished and be with who he wished and love who he wanted. I had a betrothed I'd never met and who hadn't even been born yet.

Many years later and Grape Elf saved my brother when he was attacked during his Phoenix Rebirth. He brought her to the heavens. Jinmi was naive and sweet, heavily in disguise with a hair stick to hide her identity. When I met her I was instantly charmed.

But...so was Xufeng even if he didn't realize it right away.

[Poor Runyu. How can he not blame himself for the destruction of his mother and that world? Xingchen would have more than a few choice words for the Empress!]

Were you ready to fight for your love? Or were you prepared to step aside as you had been forced to do for so long?

[Who would win in a battle between Fire and Night? Fires can die out, but Night always returns.]

I wasn't sure. I wanted to fight but it was my brother. And I learned that Jinmi was not capable of romantic love due to a pill she had taken at some point. Then everything changed when we learned she was my betrothed.

Suddenly I didn't wish to give her up. I wanted to fight for at least one thing to be mine. Just one.

[Runyu sighs softly.]

Jinmi couldn't become Immortal yet. She hadn't faced suffering. And so she was tasked to take Mortal Trials in order to experience suffering and understand what we do. There was danger to her though and Xufeng followed after. I could only wait. And during this time another Immortal, Yanyou, approached me. He revealed to me that my mother was alive and that she needed me.

I understand. [Fighting family - a loved one - would be an insurmountable task for someone with Runyu's heart and conscience. His brows knit at the next bit of info and he thinks, privately, that someone must want to cause Runyu great strife. But why? Was it the Empress?]

Of course. I would have made the same decision as you.

[Xingchen smiles a little, encouraging his friend.]

...how? [He blinks in amazement.] Was Yanyou to be trusted?

If you were to ask others then no. Even I didn't fully trust him. But I listened and I eventually followed to where he led. All the time I'd lost came back to me and I found her hiding away trying to get revenge against the Empress who scarred her face and also took her child. Through all of it she'd gone a little mad and she wanted my help to get her revenge.

I wasn't sure what to do. Her thoughts of revenge involved killing my brother. It weighed heavily on me. But I wanted to help her find peace as well as bring the Empress to justice somehow for all her crimes.

[Runyu closes his eyes then.]

It wasn't to be that way. Not the way my mother planned. The Empress found us and my mother died protecting me. She died in my arms and I felt ice run through me. So cold that I attacked the Empress. One of us would have died if Jinmi's father hadn't stopped us. That should have been the end of our conflict.

But she chose to threaten to kill my mother's people, including my two adopted brothers one of which is Yanyou. Unless I took the punishment on their behalf. A punishment meant for so many lives. They could be spared if I did so.

I agreed.

She tortured me before my brothers and my father only interfered when it seemed she would actually kill me. It was then I knew I had all the confirmation that I needed. There was no one who would fight for me. I had to do something instead.

...poor lady. [The words are said on a sigh and Xingchen shakes his head sadly. Trauma can cause cracks in minds and hearts. Sometimes the damage is so bad that the person loses their way entirely.]

You mustn't blame yourself for your mother's death. [He sits up a little straighter.] She did what any good mother would do. And your reaction was natural. The Empress has earned your fury.

[Xingchen believes in justice and Runyu deserves justice. His mother deserves justice.]

Runyu... [He aches to move around the table, but he keeps himself still. He must hear the entire tale.] What did you do?

She humiliated me because she knew that there was nothing I could do to stop her. But eventually her crimes came to light and she was stripped of her title and imprisoned.

Jinmi and Xufeng came back and she could be my bride now. But he'd realized his feelings and was determined to fight for her. There was no consideration to ask for anything I'd been through. None at all. So I put a plan into action after someone murdered Jinmi's father and his wife.

[His eyes slowly open but he doesn't look to the man across from him.]

The culprit looked like my brother but I knew it wasn't him. But that did not stop me from sending dreams to Jinmi to have her believe such. And while that was happening I was gathering allies in the Heavens. So on the day of our wedding my brother came to arrest me but instead I turned it around on my own father and staged an uprising. All people loyal to my father and brother turned against them to fight in my favor. My father could do nothing for I'd given him a poison to weaken him.

My brother fought me but before either of us could truly do anything Jinmi killed him, fully believing that he was her father's murderer. My father used the very last of his life to send one piece of my brother away so that he could hopefully be resurrected.

I had the Immortals on my side and I was made Emperor. Jinmi's pill had shattered though and she could only think about Xufeng and what she'd done to him. I tried and tried to heal her broken heart but she continued to dwell on him instead.

And I had the Empress put under house arrest. She wanted to commit suicide when she learned of all that had happened. [He lets out a bitter laugh.] I wouldn't let her. I wanted to live and suffer knowing that all her hopes and dreams had died with the men she committed great evils for.

Save for Jinmi's heart, everything was in my favor...

[His hands curl in his lap and, yes, there is the pain he had expected. From so many years of sorrow and neglect, Runyu had become bitter. He suspects something similar may have happened to a certain criminal in his world. Xingchen wrestles with himself, realizing that, no, he can't be as strong and certain as his beloved Zichen. Maybe that makes him weak, but this is the only way he knows how to be.]

Nothing was in your favor. [Power, prestige, followers who could be turned against him if he faltered for a moment...] What you had was revenge. Revenge doesn't heal. Revenge isn't justice.

What became of Lady Jinmi?

She was lost. She continued to follow visions of him that led to her hurting herself just to try to find him again. I begged her to not do so but she couldn't stop. All the while I brought the Heavenly Realm to a new golden age. Yet my heart still longed for her heart which wasn't mine.

Then she found out that Xufeng had been reborn. She sacrificed so much in order to revive him even though I tried to stop it. In the end she succeeded but he didn't remember her and he became the King of the Demon Realm with plans to take another as his bride.

[Leaning forward, he releases his cup so he can put his face into his hand. Only for a moment then he lifts it as he continues.]

I can't tell you how happy I was when she agreed to marry me. She agreed to be my bride. It's the happiest I've been in my entire life and the plans began anew. Until she found out what I'd done to get to where I was. I still don't fully know how she found out everything but she did.

She gave back the dragon scale I'd given her and left me. Her heart was truly Xufeng's in the end. And Xufeng even regained his memories but was hurt by her betrayal. And then on the day of our wedding I had nothing and I knew she'd run. She was still trying to help him. To finish bringing him back to himself.

I...I lost it. I let my powers rip apart the throne room decorated for our wedding and led a hunt to find her. There were many I hurt along the way, the entire Flower Realm under threat of death unless they gave her to me. In the end she managed to get to Xufeng and...

[He draws in a shaky breath.]

I was so angry. I used forbidden spells to seal a demon into my body to gain his power. And then I led the entirety of the Heavenly Realm into battle against the Demon Realm. All to fight my brother. To destroy them all for hiding Jinmi from me.

[Gods above... Xingchen forgoes resisting his natural inclination and he rises, moving around the table to kneel at Runyu's side. He lays a hand lightly on his shoulder, reminding him silently that he isn't alone.]

Go on... [He isn't running. He isn't disgusted or angry. If anything, his heart aches for this man.] I take it you were not victorious?

It turned out that Xufeng and Jinmi had married. It was the last straw and the battle began. Hundreds died and my brother and I fought. We knew one of us had to win. There was no other choice.

In a final clash we used everything we had, even if it was forbidden, to destroy the other. Our blows never landed on each other though. Not when Jinmi had thrown herself between it.

[A tear falls down his cheek.]

She was the last death. Everything I'd ever wanted was lost. My brother, the woman I loved, the faith of my people... I'd destroyed everything because of my own selfish desires. Because just once I wanted to be remembered and loved and valued.

For ages Xufeng looked for her and I locked myself in my chambers. The creature inside me slowly trying to tear me apart to break free. It was everything I had to chain myself. Others found my brother and I begged for him to kill me. To end the monster and me. It was what I deserved.

[More tears fall as he laughs.]

But my brother has always been a better person than I am. Even then. He stabbed the monster and burned him away into oblivion and left me alive. He couldn't bring himself to kill me and even set me free. I begged otherwise but he wouldn't. In the end, we agreed that I would rebuild the Heavens but that I would do so in utter isolation to repent.

Then he left to find Jinmi. Five hundred years he searched and when he found her they ran away together and had children. Sometimes I go to see the oldest but only for a moment. I have no right to more and I never ask for it.

Otherwise I'm alone. As I deserve.

[He looks over at Xingchen then.]

I have no right to your kindness or protection. I have no rights to any of that. Even now I don't know why Yu Mingye would want me to be responsible for him at all. I deserve none of this. I'm a monster who destroyed everything to get what I wanted for nothing.

[The sheer weight of grief is enough to crush an army of men. Runyu truly has lost everything - and perhaps proved himself deserving of his eternal solitude. Yet Xingchen's eyes are filled with tears too and he dabs at Runyu's cheeks with his pale sleeve.]

There, your punishment awaits you. Here, you can make use of your time. It would be a shame for you to push away those who wish to befriend you.

[He smiles at the mention of Mingye and he lowers his hand back to his lap.]

He has a good sense about people. He took to you quickly and that surprised me. But the more I spoke with you, the more I liked you. And that hasn't changed.

[That needs to be made crystal clear.]

I like you, Lord Runyu. I'm sorry for your losses and for all you suffered. You made some poor decisions and many died for it - that I cannot deny. However you are remorseful; you understand the gravity of what was done. Justice has been served and now, I hope, you can begin anew in this world.

[What are these words? This gentle attention? He doesn't deserve any of this. He should have been killed or left to continue to suffer in his isolation. Why is it here people want to take care of him? To know him?

Why is that after Xingchen has learned all this he still thinks he deserves kindness.

He lets out a shaky breath.]

I don't understand how you can still want to befriend me after all you've learned. I don't...

[He should hate him. Why is this like his brother showing him mercy all over again? It rips through him as much as hearing Xufeng finally calling him "ge" again.]

Everyone has a path in life. If you were still filled with rage and eager to murder, I would do everything in my power to stop you. But the Runyu before me knows better.

[Knowledge is gained in so many ways. Runyu has taken the hardest path and it will leave him scarred for the rest of time. Why should Xingchen add to that pain?]

You were honest and that was no small task. What you told me stays between us, but I tell you now, even if you told Mingye, he would not abandon you either.

I've only wanted to find a way to help others here if I can. He's someone who feels like he's been hurt and I don't know why he attached so quickly to me but... But I want to protect his smile.

[Runyu lifts a hand to push away his tears. He'd thought he was done with these. Then again, he's never actually told his full story to anyone before. This is the first time he's had to really relive his pain and suffering.]

I would not have blamed you if you'd chosen to abandon me. It shocks me more that you refuse to.

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cw: child abuse and self-harm

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