text | un: matsukaze

[leafwhistle]

Sometimes when he makes me angry I look at him through a fork and pretend he's in jail. It heals me spiritually.

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[leafwhistle]

Yes, I did.

[He's just as bright as before. So innocent.]

Would you like more nerikiri to take home later? They aren't for the Shogun, though.

[lyingstars]

[He shakes his head, he'll never understand Kazuha. Forever unreadable and bizarre.]

I wouldn't be opposed to more. Though I don't know why you think I'd give them to her, she's more than capable of getting her own sweets.

[leafwhistle]

I meant more that I wouldn't want you to let her know you have them.

[He puts down his comm and reaches across the table to place both his hands on top of the one that Scaramouche isn't using to eat.]

I've been thinking. Maybe we know more of the same people? It's been true at least with Vennessa... and I know Childe as well.

[lyingstars]

I'm not sure if she even knows I have a shamisen.

[Scaramouche glances down at the hands on his, eyes narrowing as he looks back up towards Kazuha. An odd line of questioning.]

And?

[leafwhistle]

Hmm, she is not observant if she doesn't.

[Kazuha just pets his hand gently some.]

The friend I was speaking about at the gala is someone who shares a lifestyle like mine, a traveler. His name is Aether. Do you know him?

[lyingstars]

I don't play it at home.

[It is resigned to closet life when he's home.]

We've met. With all he's done it's difficult to not know who he is.

[leafwhistle]

Of course, he knows a wide variety of people and has done a number of things. It's no wonder many people look to him like some sort of hero.

[Kazuha's eyes squint as he smiles, tipping his head to the side.]

Did you try and kill him?

[lyingstars]

[He rolls his eyes, of course Kazuha would be friends with the Traveler.]

He has a habit of getting in my way.

[leafwhistle]

[That's not a no. Kazuha sighs, his lashes fluttering as he looks down where he's holding Scaramouche's hand. Remain relaxed. Don't jump to judgements.]

What were you doing that made him 'get in your way'?

[lyingstars]

Is there a specific time you're asking about or just in general?

[He clearly needs to have a chat with the Traveler.]

I'm a Harbinger, Kazuha. I have orders to follow. And as you said, he tends to play the hero.

[leafwhistle]

[It's good he thought to hold his hand first. He might be tempted to reach for his sword out of impulse otherwise. His heart is beating a little faster.]

What were you doing in Inazuma?

[lyingstars]

[He sighs, shaking his head. There's no point in being vague with Kazuha.]

What I was ordered to - overseeing the Delusion factory. At least until I found something more interesting.

[leafwhistle]

[Kazuha's eyes flicker around, and for a moment he can't think of much. This is the sort of thing he was afraid of. He looks away from Scaramouche, his mouth set in a serious line.]

You were giving people Delusions and Aether came to stop you, didn't he?

[lyingstars]

[The few times he's been able to clearly read Kazuha he hasn't liked it, and this time is no different, a frown forming on his face. Some lunch this was turning out to be.]

I wasn't. It was hardly my plan. The Traveler tried, but were it not for the shrine maiden he would have lost long before he could do anything.

[leafwhistle]

[This sounds considerably damning for Scaramouche even still. He looks up, though he isn't able to hold his eyes for long.]

You need to explain to me everything.

[lyingstars]

[He sets his fork down, moving his hand to gently rest atop both of Kazuha's. If holding one of his hands was what the samurai wanted then certain having both would help this, right?]

Another Harbinger was in charge of everything in Inazuma - the Delusions, the Vision Hunt Decree... getting the Gnosis. Making a market for the Fatui to exploit. I arrived later, ordered to oversee production, nothing more.

Somehow the Traveler found our factory, though he was exceptionally easy to take down. It was rather disappointing, he seemed much weaker than the fist time we met. But none of that matters. I traded his life for the Gnosis, which aligns far more with my interests than any orders anyone could give me.

[leafwhistle]

[It's good that Scaramouche added his hand on top of his; it makes it less tempting to pull his hands away. He has to sit and listen, reason and consider what Scaramouche is telling him.

His eyes flick back down, his lips still set in that frown as he breathes out a sigh.]

Diluc Ragnvindr might kill you if he finds out you were anywhere near Delusions.

[Someone else Kazuha is closely associated with. This is the first time he's mentioned him around Scaramouche, but if he was paying attention to him at the gala, then he would have likely seen him with him.

Honestly, he's not sure it would be right to try and stop him. It's a terrible feeling realizing that someone you've grown close to has done things like this.]

Do you promise me this is the truth? That you weren't involved with the Decree?

[lyingstars]

Ragnvindr... so that's who he is.

[The name is familiar enough that he recognizes it as more than just one often mentioned in Mondstadt, though where he's heard it specifically he can't recall. Something to think on later as he merely shrugs, unconcerned with the potential threat.]

He's welcome to try. Though I suppose I could just take him down first.

[Maybe he ought to scheme the man's downfall in his free time, even if Kazuha seemed to be close with him.]

Do you really think I would lie to you Kazuha? All I did was follow orders.

[leafwhistle]

[Scaramouche why do you make it so hard to love you be your friend?

Kazuha realizes his mistake immediately, though the immortal should have no problem discerning his expression right now, since he’s fixed a glare on him.]

He’s important to me. I wouldn’t forgive you.

[He mentioned it to warn him. Kazuha has his own complicated feelings to sort out; he has a tight, heavy feeling in his chest that won’t go away. He sighs again, his stomach in knots, and he looks away. Their hands are entwined, but his expression is pained.]

This is difficult for me. These things you've done...

[lyingstars]

So he can try and kill me, but if I do the same it's a problem?

[He meets Kazuha's glare, irritation clear on his face. It's clear the samurai doesn't approve of what he's done and doesn't want him scheming the demise of anyone. He can't change what he's done in the past, nor does he know if he would if given the option.

He rubs his thumb against Kazuha's hand, more out of his own stress than trying to make the samurai feel any better.]

You knew I was a Harbinger. If it was going to be an issue why bother trying to be my friend?

[leafwhistle]

I don't want either of you to kill each other. Is that so hard to understand?

[He falls quiet as Scaramouche fixes a glare back on him, lost in his thoughts about what he should do or say. He knew and at first it caused him to hold himself at a distance, but things... changed.

His face flushes, the emotional stress making his pulse quicken and his blood pressure raise.]

It was an issue at first, wasn't it? When I swallowed your Gnosis just to take it away from you. It changed when I got to know you.

[lyingstars]

And if he tries?

[If the man was so important then would Kazuha truly care if he did? It wasn't as though he were a Harbinger, nothing to find disagreeable about him in comparison.

He turns his gaze away, the thought of simply leaving crossing his mind.]

But it's a problem again. You spent so much time getting to know me while ignoring what I am, even though it clearly bothers you.

[leafwhistle]

I would protect you.

[That as much he's certain now, even if he reasons that the immortal might deserve it. He wasn't sure earlier in the conversation, but he knows in his gut that impulse would have him fending off the blow.

Kazuha doesn't want it to come to that. Maybe he should speak with Diluc, get some assurance...

He squeezes Scaramouche's hand in his own, trying to get him to look back. He wants to see his face, maybe search for any sort of remorse.]

You've shown me a different kind of person. I don't think you're evil. Your action in the past are... misguided, but you can grow. My dissatisfaction isn't with you, it's with the circumstances that enabled you.

[lyingstars]

Always so ready to risk your life. Aren't you supposed to be avoiding being sent to an early grave?

[There's no remorse to be found, though he doesn't turn to face the samurai despite the squeeze. Centuries of life being one way, of being taught of its harshness alone, only to then have those views further ingrained in him by the Fatui make it difficult for him to see what he's done wrong. He hadn't even been responsible for most of the things Kazuha was upset about.]

Evil? The concepts of good and evil are useless, yet life clings to them for the simplicity. I can't change who I am, Kazuha.

[leafwhistle]

I wield my sword to save lives. If I can't save those closest to me, is life worth living?

[His head tilts, flickering over Scaramouche's face, searching desperately. His brows knit, his face still hot from the rush of emotions, his chest aching in a way that send pain down his hands. It's no use— there's no regret to be found on his face, though perhaps only for upsetting him.]

The person you've been around me, was that all a lie?