Video, UN: Anonymous

[tightbod_bigrod]

[Said video post would occur sometime after a bout of loud, illegal fireworks going off in the Shinjuku area, promptly followed by the disappearance of the 7' tall penis statue in front of the exotic dildo store.

This completely anonymous villain is filming from a dark area, dress in all black with a kitsune mask covering his face and long, curly horns. He does his best Tseng impression using a voice modulator.]

Did anyone witness the brilliant fireworks show earlier?

Well, while you were busy watching the show, we took your beloved penis statue.

If you ever want to see it again, we demand one trillion gil and a gold chocobo. Bring it to the southernmost pier in Yokohama.

[He puts a finger over the mouth of the mask and the feed cuts.

...

Then the feed comes back on.]

Two gold chocobos.

[The feed cuts off.]

Comments

video, un: white heron

[mistsplitter]

[ Ayaka's response comes the morning after, when she finds the STOLEN DICK in her home. ]

Whoever you are, I vow to find you. I will not stand for this- whatever this is!

[tightbod_bigrod]

...It's a dick.

[He's very helpful.]

[mistsplitter]

I can very well see that! And I wish I didn't have to!

[ Let Ayaka say dick. ]

What I cannot accept is the result of this crime! I do not know why it is you decided to involve the Kamisato Clan in your mischief, but it is something we cannot condone.

[tightbod_bigrod]

Wait, there's a whole clan?

Shit, we should be rivals!

[mistsplitter]

[ She's gonna hunt you down, Reno. ]

No. I think not.

[tightbod_bigrod]

Come on! It'd be awesome!

Every good crime lord needs a good protagonist to fight against!

[mistsplitter]

Your rival should be the police!

[tightbod_bigrod]

But they're not as interesting.

[mistsplitter]

Tell me who you are.

[tightbod_bigrod]

That'd defeat the purpose of this whole anonymous thing, now wouldn't it? That's a puzzle you gotta slowly unravel by piecing together clues.

[mistsplitter]

Very well, then. I accept your challenge.

[tightbod_bigrod]

This is fucking awesome! I can't wait to tell my partner we got a rival!

[mistsplitter]

I see. I'm looking for two individuals, then.

[tightbod_bigrod]

No no no.

Two incredibly handsome individuals. My partner's a hell of a specimen of a man, too.

[mistsplitter]

Do you really think that matters to me after what you've put me through?

[tightbod_bigrod]

What d'you mean? It's just a giant dick. It was already out in the public.

It didn't fall on you or nothing, did it?

[mistsplitter]

I was taken in for questioning by the police!

[tightbod_bigrod]

Yeah, so I've heard now.

[Which was still making him laugh.]

Can't believe they thought you dicked your own garden.

[mistsplitter]

And who did you hear it from?

[ It's not like she told a lot of people about what happened to her... ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

A magical chocobo told me.

Wasn't golden enough though for riding.

[mistsplitter]

I'm afraid I don't understand...

Nevermind. I will still find you.

[tightbod_bigrod]

Probably had to see it to understand.

[Since Cloud was the one who brought up bringing a chocobo in the first place, might as well call him a chocobo...]

I look forward to meeting you, but I wonder if you'll catch us in time...