Video, UN: Anonymous

[tightbod_bigrod]

[Said video post would occur sometime after a bout of loud, illegal fireworks going off in the Shinjuku area, promptly followed by the disappearance of the 7' tall penis statue in front of the exotic dildo store.

This completely anonymous villain is filming from a dark area, dress in all black with a kitsune mask covering his face and long, curly horns. He does his best Tseng impression using a voice modulator.]

Did anyone witness the brilliant fireworks show earlier?

Well, while you were busy watching the show, we took your beloved penis statue.

If you ever want to see it again, we demand one trillion gil and a gold chocobo. Bring it to the southernmost pier in Yokohama.

[He puts a finger over the mouth of the mask and the feed cuts.

...

Then the feed comes back on.]

Two gold chocobos.

[The feed cuts off.]

Comments

[tightbod_bigrod]

Wait. They took her in?

[Color him surprised.]

Why?

[sultanofsquat]

[ He'll just tell it plain and simple. ]

The statue was reported stolen. And without any leads, she became the prime suspect when it was discovered on their property.

I got her out the same day.

[ Cloud had to bullshit his way through intimidating an entire police station, geared up in his SOLDIER uniform and all while dressing down the cops for wrongly taking her in. ...kinda felt good. Because authority. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

[For a brief second he held in a snort, but that was about as much restraint as he could manage before bursting out laughing.]

They thought she planted a dick in her own garden and left that calling card?

[sultanofsquat]

Right?

[tightbod_bigrod]

I think it's safe to say they won't be catching us anytime soon.

This is gonna be fun.

1/2

[sultanofsquat]

[ ... .... ..... ]

2/2

[sultanofsquat]

One. [ Wait. ] You get one, Reno.

[ Cloud's not gonna snitch?! ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

Oh?

Just one?

What if I make it really worth it?

[sultanofsquat]

Keep your next 'congratulatory' statement off our lawns and I'll consider it.

[tightbod_bigrod]

What do you take me for? Some sort of one note wonder? You can't do the same thing twice! That's boring.

[sultanofsquat]

I'm just sayin'.

[ ... what goes around, comes around. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

I promise. Next time we get you, it'll be totally different. Might not even involve dicks at all.

[Prank war between them? He'd be up for it. Besides, it wouldn't hurt for Cloud to spend some time being a rambunctious teenager and live a little...]

[sultanofsquat]

Denied.

[ WHAT DID HE JUST SAY, RENO. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

...I mean, if you want dicks involved that badly...

[sultanofsquat]

[ What, wrong phrasing! ]

Wait, that's not what I meant—

[tightbod_bigrod]

Dude, don't even worry about it. I heard you loud and clear and we got you covered.

[...He snickered a bit, because if they could figure a way to cover Cloud in dicks...]

[sultanofsquat]

I'm watching you.