Video, UN: Anonymous

[tightbod_bigrod]

[Said video post would occur sometime after a bout of loud, illegal fireworks going off in the Shinjuku area, promptly followed by the disappearance of the 7' tall penis statue in front of the exotic dildo store.

This completely anonymous villain is filming from a dark area, dress in all black with a kitsune mask covering his face and long, curly horns. He does his best Tseng impression using a voice modulator.]

Did anyone witness the brilliant fireworks show earlier?

Well, while you were busy watching the show, we took your beloved penis statue.

If you ever want to see it again, we demand one trillion gil and a gold chocobo. Bring it to the southernmost pier in Yokohama.

[He puts a finger over the mouth of the mask and the feed cuts.

...

Then the feed comes back on.]

Two gold chocobos.

[The feed cuts off.]

Comments

private video | un: bossturk

[necessarycruelties]

[ He watches the video carefully, paying attention to words, the modulated voice and the speech pattern, seeing if he can discern anything from that because the individual in the video has done quite well at disguising their appearance. On his first watch, nothing really stands out, so he watches it again.

It occurs to Tseng upon watching again that the voice sounds like a poor attempt at his own. And, upon this realization, he sighs... because this could only be one person.

He turns the camera on, and the face that Anonymous will see is the very disappointed face of somebody who may or may not be their boss. ]

Reno. [ A pause ] Was this really necessary? Do you really think a statue of a penis is worth one trillion gil and two gold chocobos?

Private

[tightbod_bigrod]

There's no Reno here!

And 'course not. We already gave it away to a deserving couple.

Private

[necessarycruelties]

Of course, my apologies for assuming. [ He's not sorry, not really. ] You should know that I know you well enough by now to know that it's you, though.

[ Tseng sighs, thinking back to the years he's known Reno, and wishing that something from said years had prepared him for dealing with... this. Nothing in his years of being the Boss, of being second in command, of even just being a Turk has prepared him for the news that his own second in command had stolen a penis statue and, apparently, delivered it to somebody. ]

Who was the lucky couple?

Re: Private

[tightbod_bigrod]

I'm sure you'll find out soon enough, Bossman.

[When you learn how to deal with Reno, it's just a single for him to get new and creative.

Probably the more surprising one was the silent partner, though... But hey, would it be that surprising to know that Rude enjoyed putting together a fireworks show?]

Private

[necessarycruelties]

I'm sure.

[ Oh, he has no doubt that he'll find out soon enough, but it would be much easier for everybody involved if he just came clean now. However, Tseng isn't going to press for more information at the moment... He has a few other questions. ]

You didn't accomplish this alone, did you?

[tightbod_bigrod]

Always gotta have a reliable partner for any good crime syndicate.

Besides, what fun is doing shit alone?

Private

[necessarycruelties]

No fun at all, of course.

[ He knows Rude is capable, but it's not something he expects from the other Turk. But he also knows Reno can easily persuade him to do whatever he asks, so it's not unexpected to know he had his reliable partner in on this, too. ]

And what role did Rude play in all of this? [ A thoughtful pause ] I'm fairly certain he wasn't the one to steal the statue, though I've been wrong about things before.

[ Not often. But it has happened ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

You even gotta ask what he did when there was fireworks involved? Come on, boss, I'm disappointed.

[Although maybe Tseng didn't have many details yet. But still.

And, as usual, Reno's was completely shameless about this whole thing. It was nothing but good clean fun to him - never mind any potential property damage and such. This was so far below what the Turks usually got involved with that it was on the same 'immoral level' as opening an orphanage to him.]