Video, UN: Anonymous

[tightbod_bigrod]

[Said video post would occur sometime after a bout of loud, illegal fireworks going off in the Shinjuku area, promptly followed by the disappearance of the 7' tall penis statue in front of the exotic dildo store.

This completely anonymous villain is filming from a dark area, dress in all black with a kitsune mask covering his face and long, curly horns. He does his best Tseng impression using a voice modulator.]

Did anyone witness the brilliant fireworks show earlier?

Well, while you were busy watching the show, we took your beloved penis statue.

If you ever want to see it again, we demand one trillion gil and a gold chocobo. Bring it to the southernmost pier in Yokohama.

[He puts a finger over the mouth of the mask and the feed cuts.

...

Then the feed comes back on.]

Two gold chocobos.

[The feed cuts off.]

Comments

[tightbod_bigrod]

...Nah. Not really.

[If anything he sounded tired saying that. They've done plenty of bad acts in their lives and dealt with a ton of shit. He was done with that.]

I'll fight if there's good reason, but I'm not in the mood for ruining lives anymore. We're just stretching our legs and livening up the place a bit. It's a little too sweet and sugary. Someone's gotta add spice.

Didn't expect to initiate anyone tonight. I'll have to talk to my partner 'bout how you can prove yourself worthy of joining our elite organization.

[beshackled]

[Wait what?]

I -- organization?

[Just what has he gotten himself into?]

[tightbod_bigrod]

Sure. You gotta be organized to pull off this kind of stuff, y'know? Synchronizing a fireworks show and running off with a giant penis takes a lot more skill than you'd think.

[beshackled]

[The person on the other side of the feed may not see it, but Erichthonios is definitely squinting at that.]

...Is there really a statue here that can truly be considered giant?

[His definition of 'giant' may vary.]

[tightbod_bigrod]

...What d'you mean?

Seven foot is pretty big. I mean, that's over a foot taller than I am. And definitely several more feet than the average cock.

[beshackled]

...How long would you say a foot is? Most of the people here are... small, from my perspective.

[Very small. And he knows foot as a body part rather than a measure of length.]

[tightbod_bigrod]

Well, for reference, the average door you're gonna see is 6'8" tall. With 12 inches being in each foot.

[For all his other, well, shit, he was a decent repairman and knew some standard stuff as necessary.]

[beshackled]

[The doors. He had spent more than a handful of days having to carefully squeeze through them, until Themis had given him guidance on how to make himself smaller when they were on the train.

Those train seats were not built for someone of his natural size.

And neither were the doors.]

The doors of this place... are less than half my natural height.

[tightbod_bigrod]

...

You're shitting me, right?

You'd be over 10' tall if that were true.

[beshackled]

[No, he is not. And yes, he is.]

If nothing else, I can offer to return the statue to its proper place. It would be a simple task.

[It's only seven feet.]

[tightbod_bigrod]

Not necessary. I'm sure it'll get taken care of.

But okay, I think we're gonna have to come up with something good for your... unique set of skills if that's true.

[beshackled]

[Is being tall really a skill? And why does it feel like he's just agreed to run around with a pair of rambunctious children...?

Well... maybe someone should keep an eye on them. To make sure they don't get into too much trouble.

Surely they can't be any more troublesome than the creations housed in Pandæmonium.]

Very well. If I find the task agreeable, I shall lend you my aid.

[tightbod_bigrod]

[Could be true. Or two guys living it up after surviving multiple apocalypses without a care left in the world.]

Question: Do you prefer water or fire?

[beshackled]

I am comfortable with both. The hippokampos is a creature of water, and the phoinix a creature of fire. Both are interned in the layer of Pandæmonium I serve as warder in.

[Though, that does not exactly answer the question, does it...]

If it comes to which I am more comfortable with, I would say... fire.

[tightbod_bigrod]

A man after my own heart, I like it. My partner's good with stuff that needs a little extra flare. We'll come up with something good for you.

[beshackled]

I trust you will be able to reach me through these devices?

[Since the other man is sending messages anonymously, and Erichthonios has only just begun to use his; though communications that span distances are not unheard of in his world, their technology is very different. So, he must wait for the other man to reach out to him, if they do not run across each other by pure chance.]

If so, I shall await your message.

[tightbod_bigrod]

Won't be a problem. You'll be hearing from us soon.

[He gives a two-fingered salute.]