Video, UN: Anonymous

[tightbod_bigrod]

[Said video post would occur sometime after a bout of loud, illegal fireworks going off in the Shinjuku area, promptly followed by the disappearance of the 7' tall penis statue in front of the exotic dildo store.

This completely anonymous villain is filming from a dark area, dress in all black with a kitsune mask covering his face and long, curly horns. He does his best Tseng impression using a voice modulator.]

Did anyone witness the brilliant fireworks show earlier?

Well, while you were busy watching the show, we took your beloved penis statue.

If you ever want to see it again, we demand one trillion gil and a gold chocobo. Bring it to the southernmost pier in Yokohama.

[He puts a finger over the mouth of the mask and the feed cuts.

...

Then the feed comes back on.]

Two gold chocobos.

[The feed cuts off.]

Comments

[tightbod_bigrod]

I was thinking this place doesn't have enough excitement.

[sultanofsquat]

But didja hafta drop it off on her property?

[ ... Cloud you should know the answer to this question. Yes. He's also avoiding saying your name right now. Anonymous. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

We gotta give our approval somehow, right?

[Giving someone a hard time was just a Turk's way of being friendly.]

Consider it a gift of congratulations!

1/2

[sultanofsquat]

Wha-

[ And just like that, Cloud's breath is caught in his throat. He...wasn't prepared for it. Even if with time he could have anticipated the outcome. With all the time spent here, it's like he's come to know an entirely different set of people from the ones he faces back home. Had they been at each others' throats, his reaction would have been much more different. But this time?

Anonymous would be able to hear the blond on the other line fumbling to think of the right thing to say. He's stunned, but he won't dare admit it. It's...

...okay "sweet" wasn't a common word in his vocabulary. But it's thoughtful? One hell of a prank but thoughtful. And Ayaka got arrested for it. All's well that ends well, but. ]

2/2

[sultanofsquat]

[ A very loud sigh. It's a one-on-one line where no one else can hear, so, ]

C'mon, Reno. A dick...

[ He sounds exasperated. Yet it's said a little softer. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

Come on. How often does an opportunity like that spring up? How can anybody just ignore a 7' dick?

[Of course, he doesn't know about arrests or anything like that. He thought leaving a calling card and, well, basically announcing themselves here would make it pretty clear that someone other than them did it. Maybe the calling card was just a drawing of a smiling dick, but still.

Really, more surprising than Reno doing something like this was Rude participating. But Rude was the quieter partner...]

[sultanofsquat]

No one. Clearly.

Look. She's out of the police station. They're taking repossession of the dick. [ This is a real conversation. ] Everything's square.

[ ... for now. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

Wait. They took her in?

[Color him surprised.]

Why?

[sultanofsquat]

[ He'll just tell it plain and simple. ]

The statue was reported stolen. And without any leads, she became the prime suspect when it was discovered on their property.

I got her out the same day.

[ Cloud had to bullshit his way through intimidating an entire police station, geared up in his SOLDIER uniform and all while dressing down the cops for wrongly taking her in. ...kinda felt good. Because authority. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

[For a brief second he held in a snort, but that was about as much restraint as he could manage before bursting out laughing.]

They thought she planted a dick in her own garden and left that calling card?

[sultanofsquat]

Right?

[tightbod_bigrod]

I think it's safe to say they won't be catching us anytime soon.

This is gonna be fun.

1/2

[sultanofsquat]

[ ... .... ..... ]

2/2

[sultanofsquat]

One. [ Wait. ] You get one, Reno.

[ Cloud's not gonna snitch?! ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

Oh?

Just one?

What if I make it really worth it?

[sultanofsquat]

Keep your next 'congratulatory' statement off our lawns and I'll consider it.

[tightbod_bigrod]

What do you take me for? Some sort of one note wonder? You can't do the same thing twice! That's boring.

[sultanofsquat]

I'm just sayin'.

[ ... what goes around, comes around. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

I promise. Next time we get you, it'll be totally different. Might not even involve dicks at all.

[Prank war between them? He'd be up for it. Besides, it wouldn't hurt for Cloud to spend some time being a rambunctious teenager and live a little...]

[sultanofsquat]

Denied.

[ WHAT DID HE JUST SAY, RENO. ]

[tightbod_bigrod]

...I mean, if you want dicks involved that badly...

[sultanofsquat]

[ What, wrong phrasing! ]

Wait, that's not what I meant—

[tightbod_bigrod]

Dude, don't even worry about it. I heard you loud and clear and we got you covered.

[...He snickered a bit, because if they could figure a way to cover Cloud in dicks...]

[sultanofsquat]

I'm watching you.